I received an interesting email today. It seems a month of so before one of my BFFs died of Colon cancer I sent her an email. I told her I was sorry that the news wasn’t good. That I was scared for her. That I wanted her to come home, so I could cook for her and her family. Rub her feet. Whatever she needed I wanted to do for her. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I didn’t see her again until the day she died. I didn’t get to cook for her. I didn’t get to hug her and talk to her. Even rub her feet. Laugh with her. I had to watch her die. With her siblings and parents around. Who I couldn’t stand because of the hate and contempt that came from all of them. I stayed with her that day though. I did.
Imagine my surprise when I received an email from her this morning. See she’s been dead almost a year and a half. All the message said was, in the absence of truth you forfeit the right to honor my memory. I knew it was her sister sending me the message. But come on. Lighten up already. It’s been a year and a half. Let her go. Turn off the email address, and turn off her cell phone. We can not keep her alive with mechanical and technical means. We need to honor her memory by keeping her in our thoughts. By loving her children. It’s what I do. I love her and I miss her.
I wanted so badly to reply to the message. But instead I saved it. I realized it just isn’t worth the fight anymore. There are too many good things left from her that I want to remember. Want to write about someday. That’s how I’ll honor her memory. By writing about her. That’s how I’ll always love her.