She drove to work. Her head spinning. Her heart racing. She perused the radio stations. She was looking for just the right song. Something to soothe. Uplift. Calm her heart and mind. Then she heard it, Need to Breathe. The title of the song, More Time. Isn’t that what she always wanted? Isn’t that what everyone wants? To feel like we have more time? To breathe, to live, to just be? She then heard Death Cab for Cutie. An older one, but still incredibly good. I Will Possess Your Heart. Who’s heart did she possess? Who possessed hers? Did she want anyone to have her heart or did she want to be free?
Time for a commercial. She had no time for commercials. She wanted to hear the next song. Feel the next emotion. She thrived on emotion. She flipped to the next station and heard her theme song of the moment, Wild Ones by Sia and Flo-Rida. It takes her back to when she was young, wild and free. She feels that way again, after what she’s been through in the last year. After all these changes in her body, mind and soul. She dances in the bucket seat of her car, Candy Blue. She named her car after a stripper. She’s NEVER named a car before. After the song is over, she flips the station again. On comes a song by U2. Her favorite by far. Beautiful Day. As she heads down State Street in the direction of her office, she sings, It’s a Beautiful Day, don’t let it get away….. She doesn’t want to let one more day get away from her. Ever.
She writes music on her hand, so that she won’t forget how it makes her feel. She writes music on her hand, because it makes her feel. Everything and nothing. It’s like cutting, really. She cuts herself emotionally with music. It makes her feel raw. Hurt. Alive. Dead. Exuberant. Whatever emotion the song portrays, she feels it. It’s like a gift. But it’s also a curse. It makes her feel too much. Want too much. Want nothing. She’ll keep listening though. She’ll keep hoping, that the next song will be the right one. That it will take her to where her heart and mind should be.