The Suicide of Snow White

I found out she hung herself from the wooden beam in her kitchen. Her neighbors saw her swinging back and forth through the window. When I heard the news I was devastated. I became a 14 year old girl again and she was 16. It was like I had  just talked to her at the locker we shared. And then she was dead. I cried for my friend. For the life that she couldn’t handle anymore. For her children and her estranged extended family. I wept, like I had seen her just the day before, at her house. I wept for the days that we sneaked smokes on her roof outside her bedroom window. The sips of booze we took. The weed we smoked. The boys we chased. The laughter. And for the fight we had.

For most of my Freshman year we shared a locker, friends, and secrets. She was fun and beautiful. With ebony hair. I swear the birds sang as she walked by. The boy’s tongues wagged too. She took me, this young, scared woman under her wing. I was a baby, and she was a goddess. I wanted so badly to be like her. She seemed so strong. I was a doormat; a follower. Little did I know she was fragile, like meringue. The peaks seem so sturdy but dissolve instantly when placed on your tongue.

She and I had a falling out and the friendship fell by the way. I lost my standing with the “IN” crowd. She tried to sabotage me with my stoner crowd. It’s what we girls did back in the day. We lived in a small town, and we we’re very competitive with one another. I don’t even remember what the fight was about. After high school, she went her way and I went mine. She was my neighbor, so I would get updates from her parents about her. She went into the Army. She married, had children, and moved out West. I graduated high school. Married a good man, had children, worked my way up from receptionist to office manager. I had my issues but for the most part life was pretty kick ass.

20 years later she and I re-connected on Facebook. We private messaged each other regularly. We shared our stories and forgave each other for the past. She asked me not to tell her family she was on FB. I agreed to keep her secrets again. After all we had a history, and I still loved her. Cared for her. She was still an ebony haired beauty. Still fragile. She was a meth addict. Estranged from her family and her children. Eventually she lost her job because of her addiction. She gave in to depression and addiction. Found no way out but to hang herself, from a rafter in her kitchen. I miss her. That ebony haired beauty.

14 thoughts on “The Suicide of Snow White

  1. It is always so hard to watch the people we have loved and cared for go down a difficult path. I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m glad you were able to connect again through facebook – it sounds like you helped her more than you know.

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. I too had a friend in HS that couldn’t escape her demons and while she did not have a family, when we were 22, she hung herself. She always seemed so tough. But it goes to show, we just never know what goes on underneath, like your friend.

    • Very true my dear. Very true. We never know. We try to help but if their decision is made we won’t be able to change their mind. It’s so hard for me to fathom some days that she’s gone. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend honey.

  3. What a sad story Renee.
    It’s always a shock when someone from your generation dies, but even worse when its by their own hands.
    I too hope she has found the peace that she couldn’t find here. Life can be so cruel sometimes.At least you managed to reconnect with her.
    Thinking of you today Renee, may she rest in peace at last.

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