She Wishes She Was a Dancer, And That She’d Never Heard of Cancer

I was planning on revising an erotic story for posting today. Wouldn’t you know one word would change my whole day and perspective. My erotic post is abandoned. In its place is a little story about a colleague of mine.

She walked into my office and shut the door. We often have private conversations in my office, so I wasn’t surprised that she closed my door. See, she and I have both been on the same path in the last two years. We’ve been sharing our stories of weight loss. About our reinvention of self. We’ve shared highs and lows. Happiness and anger. Laughed about the attention bestowed on us by men and women. Today though, she stood in front of me and said, “I have breast cancer.” I froze. I I then went to her, and hugged her. Told her I was sorry. She’s a strong one though. She said, “I’m not going to let this define me, Renee.” I smiled and told her, “You shouldn’t. Cancer is not the sum of who you are.”

She shared that her oncologist told her she is Stage 2A. She needs a lumpectomy and radiation. She will most likely not have to have chemo, but will be on Tamoxifen for the next five years. I had her tell me the rest of the story. How she found it herself and made sure that after a week of self breast exams, she called her doctor and they got her right in for a mammogram. The radiologist called the doctor in during the mammogram. They found a shadow under a cyst. A biopsy was done almost immediately and the next day she was informed she had a malignancy.

I watched her as she told me the story. She had such grace. She was so calm. She told me that as she’s been informing people that she’s had to comfort them. She was not upset by this. The whole time she spoke to me, she had this aura about her. This incredible lightness. She said, “Renee, the oncologist informed me that women that go through a significant weight loss are at a greater risk of breast cancer.” I looked at her stupefied and said, “How can this be? We’ve regained our health. How???” She said, “It’s something about our bodies, though they are stronger, healthier. They can become weak too.”

I’m telling you I wanted to leave work and go pick up a cheesecake. Just wanted to say, fuck it! Instead, I went home and changed into my gym clothes. Roger Darling and I headed to the gym. We worked out and then came home to eat a healthy dinner. I’m really thankful Roger Darling likes to feel me up a lot. I have yearly mammograms. And I make sure that I do a monthly self-exam. I’m thankful that my last test was normal. I’m thankful that though my colleague has been diagnosed with cancer, she went to the doctor and it was detected early. I will be her support. I will be strong because she is. And if she walks into my office, closes the door and falls apart. I will hold her till she comes back to herself again.

33 thoughts on “She Wishes She Was a Dancer, And That She’d Never Heard of Cancer

  1. 😦 I’m Very Sorry To Hear About Your Friend, Ms. Renee. My Mother Has Had Breast-Cancer Twice, And Beat It Both Times. I’ll Be Pullin’ For Your Friend, Ms. Renee. I May Not Be One That Prays, But I Don’t Think One Has To In Order To Pass-On Good Vibes.
    Also, You Know I LOVE “Our Lady Peace” πŸ™‚
    I’m Reblogging This For Your Friend AND You. Well, And The Great Song, Also πŸ˜‰
    Much Love To You Dear.
    Rest Easy Tonight.

    • Thanks my dear Bradley. Why am I not surprised you love OLP? She is a strong one. She will be okay. I really do believe that. You may not pray, but good vibes work too.

      Much love, Renee

  2. Tears in my eyes, Renee… not just for your strong friend, who may need your shoulder as she travels this path; but also for the love and the tenderness of you. She will be well cherished and comforted by your warmth… You are a dear…!

    • I’m so happy to hear your mother is still alive and healthy. Thank God! My grandma-in-law had breast cancer when she was 50 and lived to the ripe old age of 98. I pray my friend will be okay. Thanks for your comment honey.

  3. I hope your friend will be okay Renee. She has you; you’ve both journeyed together, so she has the best support in something like this. Lots of love.

  4. You are amazing! Losing weight is not for the weak or meek! There are a lot of physical and emotional reasons to hang on to one’s weight. But life doesn’t hold any guarantees even when doing the right thing. My sister likes to remind me, “Always do the right thing, the out come is not ours to own.”

    • Just read your post Paula. I’m so damn sorry. I’ve lost so many to this disease. It surely doesn’t discriminate. I hate it.

      I’m thankful for early detection and wondrous drugs. But I hate it all the damn same. Especially when young ones lose their battle.

  5. Life is such a shit sometimes Renee, my heart goes out to you both.
    With you both approaching your friends illness in such a positive way and an early diagnosis, thats surely got to help.
    This weight loss business is worrying though.
    I’m encouraging my wife to lose weight -she does need to- and I shed about 3 stone a few years back though mine’s all back on now though sadly, comfort eating and drinkng 😦
    I know exactly where you are coming from with the cheesecake too!
    There will be good times and bad times, all you can do is your best, and be there for her.
    love n hugs to you both Renee, and a million wishes of good luck to your friend especially.

    • Thanks my dear. Losing weight and being healthy is always a good thing. We just have to make sure that we lose weight in a healthy way. That will keep us strong. Being active helps too. Take of yourself and your wife. I feel that all will be well with my friend.

      Sparkly love and hugs back at ya.

  6. MM ……..
    wanted to tell You this
    I read this through email last night when i got in and i burst into tears –
    I sent You all my love and courage and – thought – COURAGE COURAGE COURAGE – xx This woman has it ……. and Friendship like this – with Your amazing friend – please send her some love for me ….
    WOW ….

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