Fuck, I need to be at the beach right now!
I’ve had a broken hoo hoo for at least six weeks. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say it hasn’t been pretty. I called my awesome ob/gyn over a month ago. The nurse responded that I was probably in peri-menopause and what I was going through was normal. She was quite the bitch to me. You don’t know how badly I wanted reach through the phone and slap her. I decided to wait another week and call back if my symptoms didn’t change.
Fast forward a week and of course the symptoms were still the same. Since Meggie was getting married soon, I decided I didn’t want to end up in a hospital in Mexico having a hysterectomy. I called the doctor again, explained my plight and they scheduled an appointment for me ASAP.
I was sure what the problems was. I had gained back a few pounds so I probably didn’t ovulate. I’d be given a prescription for Provera. I’d have to take it for ten days, bleed profusely and then all would be right with my body again. Yippee!!!!!
During my exam, the doctor and I chatted about the impending wedding. She couldn’t believe one of the first babies she was involved in delivering was old enough to get married. She biopsied my uterus and gave me an internal ultra-sound. Throughout the exam she assured me everything looked good. But she had to do all of these tests to rule out cancer and infections. There it was, the C word.
I told her that this crap was putting a serious crimp in my sex life. And we needed to fix it STAT! The doctor laughed hysterically at me. I giggled right with her. I checked out with a scrip for Provera, with plans to pick it up along with a crap ton of feminine products on my way home from work. It was just like I thought, my body was rebelling from the weight gain. Yeesh!
Imagine my surprise when I received a call from my doctor the Friday after my appointment. She informed me that there was a concern about abnormal cell growth in my uterus. Of course cancer was discussed. It appears that the cell growth is pre pre cancer. Of course I am afraid. I’m trying to be strong and smile through it. I’m a positive person, even if I am a snarky, sarcastic bitch sometimes.
I told Roger Darling about it. He’s a supportive partner, but I know he’s scared too. I have to have surgery in January. Here I was hoping that 2013 was going to be a better year. I pray that it will be even with this little kink in my uterus.
In one more week we’ll be in Miami, we’ll board a cruise ship and head to Key West for Meg and Chris’s wedding. I can’t wait to get out of this town and put my toes in the sand. Maybe it will change my fear to happiness. I know the way I am. I will smile through it and enjoy my time with my daughter and new son in law. However the fear will creep back in when I’m alone and my mind is racing. I’ll shed a few tears in private too.
A dear cousin of ours died suddenly and we have to attend his funeral today. It’s so sad that as we get older the only time we ever see family is at a wedding or a funeral. I want to be joyous about the upcoming wedding, but we must get through some sadness first.
Such is life after all. Such is life.