2013 is going to start out with surgery. On my uterus for the love of Bob! I was so hoping that 2013 would be a little less stressful. At least the beginning of it. I was at my pre-op appointment today. I was shaking; scared. My blood pressure was a little high. I was panicky. I hate that I didn’t have much control of myself. The doctor reassured me that what she was going to do was, routine.
“That’s awesome”, I said. “But for me, it isn’t.” She put her hand on my arm and replied, “Let’s do the procedure, check the pathology and move on from there. Okay?” I sighed and shook my head up and down.
She explained the procedure. A D and C. I’m not describing it here. Google it if you need to know more. To let you know, it is because I have pre-cancerous cell growth in my uterus. Yes, I’m worried. But I will do my very best to keep a smile on my face and enjoy the pain meds.
I did have a tiny bit of comic relief as I tried to walk out the door of the doctor’s office. I thought the door was automatic and I smacked right into the damn thing. Of course the receptionists saw me. They laughed and so did I. I turned to them and said, “Happy New Year!” Then cackled like an idiot as I pushed the door open and exited. I laughed so hard, I cried.
2012 has not been my best year. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been good. Some days have been, anyway. The wedding for my daughter and son in law was Heavenly. But my marriage has been turbulent. My body has been rebellious. Though I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight, I have dealt with chronic pain and other health issues. Some friendships have endured. Others have disappeared. I have been lucky enough to forge many new heart connections though. It’s what I thrive on. Connection. And Roger Darling and I are doing well.
I have found a new passion. A new love. It is writing. It is everything to me. I have found a home. A place where I can be myself. I’m not normal. Nor do I want to be. I like being ridiculous. Fun. Silly. Morose. High. Low. Backwards and frontwards too.
Okay, enough of the sad shit. Let’s talk about resolutions. Yeah, I know. Most of us don’t keep them for more than a week or two. But here’s hoping I create a couple of good habits out of the ever expanding list of shit I need to fix.
Use an inside voice (YES I TEND TO SPEAK VERY LOUDLY. ESPECIALLY WHEN I’M EXCITED. Which is most of the time.)
Be less impulsive (Yeah, right. I’m not even going to be able to do this for one day!)
Be less sarcastic (See my comment above. It ain’t gonna happen, but a girl can hope.)
Have more fun.
Grow out my hair. (What the fuck was I thinking when I cut it? I wasn’t. I was being IMPULSIVE!)
Fix my shitty singing voice. (I used to have the voice of angel. Now I sound like a rusty door hinge.)
Smile more. (I like smiling. Smiling is my favorite.-Buddy the Elf)
Cry less. (I cry every day. And if I write a sad love story, I bawl when I do a read through. It’s a wonder I don’t short out my keyboard!)
Write. (Write, write, write, and then write some more!)
Be proud of myself.
Feel less shame.
Love myself more.
Wear my tiaras more often. (I’m not a princess. I’m a queen and I’ve got this shit handled!)
Run (And get Roger Darling to run with me. (Some women weren’t meant to be tamed. Blah, blah, blah. It’s a quote from Sex and the City. Look it up.)
Behave myself and show less boob. (I know this will NOT change. I added this to the list for RD. I’m a crazy woman. It’s what I do.)
Stop saying fuck so much. (Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fuck am I thinking???? I think I can do this. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.)
Take a creative writing class or four. (This is a must. I’m writing a book. Yeah, I know. But really, I am!!!)
Stop doubting myself. (I seem so confident. It’s bullshit. I’m working on it though.)
So that’s it, and may 2013 be your best year yet. I hope it’s everything you want it to be. Here’s hoping mine is better after I have surgery on January 7. I hope they find nothing wrong and I can move the hell forward. When the clock strikes midnight and you hear the strains of Auld Lange Syne in the air, you’ll also feel my kiss. And you’ll hear my silly horse laugh. I thank you for following me. For cheering me on. And tearing me down when I needed it.
Love and kisses, Sparkly Girl