“I’m not like a car you can fix up. I’m never gonna run right” Bella” ― Stephenie Meyer, New Moon
Genre: Romance (with a side of broken heart)
He said he wanted to live with her in the country. She had no use for such wide open spaces. Feared the quiet. The tedium. Mediocrity. Giving in to him, she bought the place. He was supposed to come live with her. Love her. Save her. He never did. Any of those things. She wasn’t meant for a provincial life. For white picket fences, country homes, and barns. She was destined for so much more. What exactly that was, she hadn’t recognized yet. She hammered the staked sign in fresh earth. FOR SALE BY OWNER and the phone number.
100 words
Thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for carrying on the grand tradition of Friday Fictioneers. This week’s photo comes from Janet Webb. It spoke to me of broken hearts and discontent.
Contrary to popular belief, I do want you to criticize and comment on my stories. Don’t blow smoke up my ass. If they suck, tell me. I’m no shrinking violet. I can take it.
Shame it didnt work out for them, so many relationships dont live up to their early promise. i can see her taking out some of her frustration on the sign with that hammer….
Yes it’s a shame. If she’s anything like me, she beat the HELL out of the sign with said hammer.
Love, Renee
LOL yeah me too, and every thump would be punctuated by a different swear word…
You bet RG! F this, f that, f her, f him, you’re cool, but f the rest of ya!
I see a bad moon rising.
Quite possibly. She may just use that hammer on him. Hmmmmmmm. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Now she can find her own happiness instead of his. Nice writing.
I hope she can. She will be doing so on her own. That’s for sure.
Dear Renee,
I see I’m not the only purple lover in this group ;). I remember my mother telling me that women were such saps for men. Hopefully your MC has learned her lesson. A good story of a woman learning to stand up for herself.
A little critique: unless you did it on purpose for effect, you have a lot of sentences beginning with “She…” which can become monotonous.
Dear Rochelle,
The She/He thing is kind of done on purpose. I don’t usually name my characters. You’re right about the monotony of it. I will try to limit the amount of times that I use them. I think it’s time for my characters to have names. I appreciate your comment.
Fondly,
Renee
P.S. Yes, purple is my favorite. One of my favorites, anyway.
I love this message. Terrific.
Thanks my sweet. The thing is, will she learn her lesson? Do we ever? We women love with everything we have. Even the ones that aren’t good for us. I hope she did move on and find someone that could love her for everything she had to offer.
Love, Renee
I’m not with her…she gave herself away with ”What exactly that was, she hadn’t recognized yet”…there are two sides to THAT story, and I fear that despite her misfortune, she ain’t goin’ nowhere fast. She’ll be hitched to her next heart throb too quick…
You talk as if you know her. Loved her. Or someone like her. That’s the thing, she always looked for love that was unattainable. We’re never fulfilled when we love someone that we can’t have.
Love, Renee
Hopefully the next time she’ll know herself well enough to find someone attuned to what she wants. Take the anger out on the sign, go forth and prosper! 🙂
“She relented to him..” She would relent or give in to what he wanted, but not relent to him.
janet
Thanks for the correction in my grammar. I need all the help I can get. I do appreciate it. I hope she finds what she wants also. I secretly hope she might have smacked him in the forehead with the hammer. Giggle.
Love, Renee
This sucks!
Well, except for all the non-sucky parts that is.
You know, like that whole 100 word bit up there.
Thanks for telling me it sucks t. You’re a shit. Hahahahahaha! I’m glad you liked the story. I’m sure I’ll like yours too.
Love, Renee
Nah, mine actually DID suck this week, I fear.
You do NOT suck!
Oh sweetie, thanks. I don’t think I do either. Giggle. I just want honest criticism. If the writing is bad, I want to know. Wink, wink.
Love, Renee
Love this Renee, really do
Thanks my dear Boomie. I’m sure I’ll love yours too.
Love, Renee
Is it okay to say I liked your story? I did. I think I would have ditched a word somewhere and made it read ‘with a phone number’.
I’m glad you did like it. 🙂 I did as you suggested and removed a word to accommodate the change to the last sentence. I think it flows just as well. Thanks much.
Love, Renee
P.S. I want your coffee mug!
we write what we know, we live through our alters, we can read the signs, we do what we can.
Truer words have not been spoken. You’ve no idea what your comment means to me. WOW!
Love, Renee
ouch. after the sacrifices & compromise that she’s willing to make for love >< that man better have a damn good explanation.. or maybe it doesn't matter. i hope she has a good life. great story.. you really know how to bring out the emotions… and violent reactions lol ^^
Thank you for the kind comments kz. I so appreciate them. Who knows what his explanation was? He never showed up. I’m glad you felt the emotion. That makes my heart very happy.
Love, Renee
it’s best to get out of such relationships as soon as you can. She did the right thing!
Nice take on the prompt.
Thanks Parul. I’ve a feeling she didn’t get out of the relationship too quickly. It took her time for her to realize he wasn’t coming for her.
Love, Renee
This flows really well. I can feel the emotion because of the writing’s fluidity.
My dear, thank you very much for the kind comment. I do appreciate it.
Love, Renee
That’s really tough! I can handle a relationship breaking down, but not investing financially in one… 😦 Nice work.
I’m glad you liked the story Sandra. It’s sad that she waited for him and he never came.
Love, Renee
Damn men always breaking promises!
Oh darlin’ there are women that do too. We are all infallible.
Love, Renee
Okay, well I may be a little down on men right now, so please excuse.
http://lingeringvisions.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/dont-make-me-go-taylor-swift-on-you/
Yeah like it is a one way street about how promises are made but not kept. Ah, sorry, had to get that out of my ssystem. So glad she took out her frustrations on the stake and not him. The blood-letting on this prompt has been frighteningly frequent.
My dear it is so not a one way street. Women can break hearts too. They break promises just as much as men. And you never know, maybe she did take the frustration out on him. Maybe he’s buried somewhere on the property she’s selling?
Love, Renee
I’ve learned a long time ago to stay to ones self or you are lost. Nice story, hope she grows to like herself enough to not need anyone else. 🙂
I hope she does too. Thanks for the comment honey.
sad that he didn’t keep up his promise..a nice story
Yes, very sad indeed.
what some women give to get what they need. I see good things in her future. She’s taken the first step. I found myself immersed in the story. Nice job.
A lot of story there!
Glad you liked it my dear. Thanks for your comment.
Love, Renee
Reality sucks, maybe she can learn a few tricks from Jennifer in my story… But of course there is prison to consider. 🙂
Maybe she did learn from Jennifer in your story. 🙂 Here’s a little video in answer to yours. I liked it very much. As I said in my comment on your page, I hope he came back to her. Even after 20 years, I hope he did….