Roused from sleep, Daphne finds Randall standing on the balcony in the drab of first morning light. Observing his distress, she rushes to his side. Falling into her arms, he shatters to the floor. Tumbling with him, she holds on for dear life.
“It’s those damn nightmares isn’t it?”
“God dammit, they never stop.”
To quell the tremors, she hums softly and cradles his head in her lap. He repeats the horrors he’s seen in combat. Finally spent, he wraps his arms around her.
“Do you hate having to placate me?”
“No Darling, only my love will silence your demons.”
100 Words (Genre: General Fiction (I think.))
Thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers. As I state every week, please critique the hell out of my story. Punctuation, story line, genre. You name it, criticize it. It’s okay to tell me if it’s shit.
This screams for more! Very powerful start.
I was thinking the same thing. I’m glad you liked it. I can’t wait to write more…
It’s total shit. It sucked so bad I had to read it twice. You know, just to make sure…
I want you to know when I first glanced your comment, I almost cried. Luckily, I read your comment for the second time and realized you were joking. Thank you for telling me it was, er, wasn’t shit. Mwah!
This is a great beginning. I like them already!
Thanks Linda. I think I’m going to continue the story. Soon.
I tried leaving a comment to last week’s story, but for some reason it wouldn’t post…so here I try once again. First of all, I know it sounds loony but I actually inhale the fragrance of my favorite Lilacs, when I see your banner. Thank you. Yes, absolutely continue this story…it screams for more.
I’m glad you were able to leave a comment this week. Lilacs are my favorite as well. There is nothing like the aroma of them. It reminds me of my childhood. And a night spent stealing chutes from a bush on city property. I just had to have them in my yard.
Thank you for liking my story. I’m hoping to continue it. We’ll see.
Love, Renee
Rheath, you write with such intensity, it is hard not to become involved…!
A wonderful talent, indeed.. 😉
Carolyn,
I thank you for your kind comment. I’m glad you feel the story as I do. There are times when I feel a story so much, I fall into a heap after writing it. You’re so very sweet.
Love, Renee
You painted a brilliant portrait of a tortured soul here.
Thanks so much for your comment. I think I may continue the story. We’ll see.
I discovered this through you, so thanks, darling! I’ve decided to try my hand at it as well: http://wp.me/p3hJV8-fg
Do let me know what you think!
My darling, your story is fantastic. Do post it in the links on Rochelle’s page. It will bring other Friday Fictioneers to your story.
http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/05/01/3-may-2013/
Done! Thanks!
You’re so welcome. And thank you for sharing it with me. WOW!
Great story! PTSD is so sad though. I can see how you made a building a metaphor (meant to do that right?) for the co-mingled sadness and beauty of its residents. Nice play on setting.
I didn’t even realize the metaphor till you pointed it out. I swear I must be some kind of savant. I don’t even see something staring right at me. 🙂 It’s probably ADHD though. I’m glad you liked the story. I just might expand on it. We’ll see.
Love, Renee
Haha. It read naturally, so I can see how you just wrote what the building evoked in you and… wala! I suppose that is the definition of a following your muse. 🙂 Take care.
I find my muses in the strangest places…. 🙂
Enjoyed that. It was so easy to “see” it and feel what was happening.
I’m glad you liked it Scott. It was a sad one to write. Very sad.
I can imagine, but the has her love to comfort him!
Yes, she has the most intense love for him. It’s the only thing that will melt his heart, and stave off his fears.
I really want to hear more… especially about his past. Sounds like it’s a bad story though.. thanks for sharing..
I think it is. Very bad that is.
Even if love can’t take away the nightmares, knowing someone cares and is with you through them makes all the difference. That situation would be difficult on both parties.
janet
Yes it would. But obviously her love soothes his nightmares. What would he do without her?
He’s so lucky to have found her. It must help immeasurably to have someone who can go through the emotions with him and not turn away. Nice job. It really strikes that emotional chord in the reader.
He loves and needs her. She obviously loves and needs him also. I think they make each other better. I’m thinking I might have to revisit these characters.There is quite a story there….
I cab only imagine a love like this.
I think it’s a rare kind of love. Not many people will get that lucky to have such a connection.
No, they won’t. Sad t say but that is life.
Yes darling it is.
Dear Renee,
A well written portrait of sleepless nights and overcoming.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you Rochelle. I’m so happy you liked it.
Fondly,
Renee