copyright-Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go. -John Denver
Shells from Key West, concert tickets, baby booties, pawns from board games played on rainy days. In a shadow box that has hung on their wall for 24 years.
How do Howard and Hannah divide their memories? Who gets the booties that the baby wore home from the hospital? Who takes the shells that they found on Smathers Beach?
May I have the booties? she inquires.
Yes, he whispers.
They pack their memories in separate boxes. Hannah seals hers closed.
I’m sorry, she says.
Stop it, he states.
Howard locks the Uhaul, raps on it twice before she drives away.
Genre: general fiction/100 words
Thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers. Please be sure to go to her page and read the stories from other writers. We are a rather eclectic group. I welcome kudos and criticism. Bring it on!
Aww, that was a sad little tale, great job 🙂
Thanks my dear. Glad you liked it.
Wonderful writing! Thanks for the follow, too. I am happy to return the favor!
I’m glad you think so Jim. Thanks for the follow back. Welcome and make yourself at home. I hope you’re not easily offended. 🙂
Love, Renee
Hi Renee like so many stories this week there is a pervading sense of sadness about your post as with others. Well done.
Thanks dear. There are few changes to be made to it, but I believe you’re right. A bit of nostalgia is being brought about by the photo that Rochelle provided.
Love, Renee
Dear Renee,
Tragic story with a ring of truth to all too many. You have a flair for writing about relationships.
However, you could just about the strike the first sentence. It tells us what’s in the box but doesn’t really add much to the story. Perhaps start with something like, “How do Howard and Hannah divide twenty-four years of memories held in one shadow box?” Just a suggestion.
Quotation marks are needed around dialogue bits.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Dear Rochelle,
You and Doug both had the right idea. I was a little under the weather when I wrote the story. Maybe I shouldn’t write when sporting a fever of 100 degrees. I’ll make the changes you suggest when I get a chance. Thanks for the criticism, you know it’s always welcome.
Love, Renee
Very touchingly told. You get the reader feeling for both of them. Well done.
Thanks honey. That was the plan. It’s sad for both parties. No one is to blame.
Love, Renee
What a sad tale… it must be tough to divide up mementos…
Yes honey, it is.
If it was only that peaceful.
Yeah, if only it was.
Love, Renee
I know this dance. Great write!
No matter who wanted it, nobody wants to take part. Thank you hon.
Love, Renee
No, No they do not.
❤
Hi Renee
You told us a lot about Howard and Hannah’s lives in this touching story. Packing their memories in separate boxes got me. I loved it, well done.
Dee
x
PS – I confess, being a Brit I had to Google ‘Uhaul’ !!
Hello Love,
How did I not know you were a Brit??? I need to pay better attention.
Thanks for the kudos. The story was a sad one. I think they’re my specialty though.
Love, Renee
Dear Renee,
If I click on that add below your story, do you get money? And will you split it with me if I click on it a lot?
Great story. You might have had some more words to work with had you edited the repeated information in the second paragraph.
Aloha,
Doug
Dear Doug,
I wish I would get money if you clicked on the ad. I think that’s the idea, but no one ever does. 🙂 That’s okay though. True writers want to be read, not paid.
Thanks for the positive feedback. I wrote the story while sporting a fever of 101.2. I’m happy I was able to write at all. xoxoxoxoxxo
Love,
Renee
Clever take on the photo Renee, and a sad tale. But hopefully they will grow to enjoy the happiness of the memories prompted by the keepsakes rather than regret the bad things that made them part.
Thanks RG and I hope you’re right. I hope they look back with love. Not with anger or regret.
Love, Renee
Beautiful.
Thanks brother. Broke my heart to write it.
Figured as such. Some of the best ones do, though. Or maybe it’s the other way ’round. Either way, broken hearts DO heal. Wait for it, work for it, relish in it. Peace.
Peace to you too sweetheart.
Love, Renee
Very real, Renee.
That’s what I was going for. Thanks my dear.
Love, Renee
A very touching and realistic story. There is sort of a hollow emptiness in both of them during this moment. “Leaving on a Jet Plane” was a great song to associate with this little gem.
It’s a sad moment for both of them. For the one leaving and the one that stays. Doesn’t matter who initiated the break up, the ending always hurts both parties involved.
Love, Renee
This is a heavy one, Babe. Well written too.
Hey Ted,
It’s good to have you back. Thanks for the compliment. It’s meant to be ‘heavy’. Taking apart a life isn’t easy…
Love, Renee
Don’t we know it… I saw myself many times in your story.
I see myself in this story too. It broke my heart to write it.
An extremely painful story to read. I agree with your comment to Ted. Taking apart a life is not easy the longer you are together the harder the fibers are to separate. THanks for the follow by the way. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
Thank you for the detailed comment. I do appreciate it. I’m finding that the truth is much stranger than fiction. I’m sure that the life we had will never really be completely unwoven….
Love, Renee
So much sadness and a sense of reality in so few words – along with a touch of longing. Well done…
Thanks so much for your kind comment. I’m glad you liked it.
Love, Renee
Be well, Renee.