Made for TV Porn
Hey there, sex maniacs! I’d ask what’s up, but I already know the answer to that question: your boners! I can’t blame you though; a quick skim through Renee’s playground here, and I’m feeling a bit naughty myself – like I just watched my neighbors do the bumpity bump out in the middle of the parking lot…
I spoke with my pal Renee here awhile back, about having her write a guest submission for Chowderhead. However, I forgot to mention that I’m not a sex blogger, and although I don’t mind dropping a few fuck’s, shit’s, and bastard’s, I try to refrain from topics like bukkake, bondage, and butt sex.
So, after I received Renee’s submission, I read through it quickly and decided that it might be a little too risqué for my standard audience. My editor (me) agreed, so I decided to trim the raunchy edges a bit, and turn it into more of an ABC Family piece – you know, something a bit more wholesome.
It turned out to be quite a challenge…
We were Enraptured…While we ate Ice Cream Together
He bound me to our bed and began to devour my [ham sandwich that I made for him]. Little nibbles around the lips gave way to him ravaging my swollen [thumb that I slammed in the car door today]. The tongue lashing left me mewling like a kitten. I thrashed my legs about his [lazy boy sofa] and [ottoman] begging him to [make some popcorn for] me. To let me [eat snacks]. He would not honor my fierce cries. As I continued to battle him with my legs, he put [salt on my popcorn] with his [salt shaker]. I embraced the onslaught, without embracing him.
Feeling my [Aqua Net] spray his mouth and chin, it drizzled onto our cotton sheets made warm by the blood coursing through our veins. Without opening my eyes to look at him I knew, he was basking in the taste of my [hairspray].
‘My Love, fill me with your [happiness, not your hairspray], I breathed, my eyes now open, shined only for him.
He looked up at me, and responded, ‘All in due time, my Darling.’
My body responded to the constant barrage of his [funny jokes] and [movie one-liners]. Finally, he allowed me to lose myself in the most exquisite apex. The churning began in my [irritable bowel suddenly] and emanated through my entire being. It seemed that it would last forever. My body continued to quake. His arms wrapped around my legs to hold his [ice cream cone] to me while the storm continued to brew. As it subsided, my legs quivered and I was covered in a sheen of sweat.
I felt him shift his weight and move above me. He lowered his body onto [my sofa again, geez], I felt the head of his [Labrador retriever] brush the length of my [leg]. The sound that emerged from my lips could only be heard by heaven. And him. With a flourish he [thanked] me completely and began to entice me with [square dance] movements I never knew existed.
‘Release my hands so I can embrace you’, I begged.
Continuing to move his [doe see doe] inside of [the gymnasium], he repeated, ‘All in due time, my Darling.’
I moved with him, not against. We were fluid motion and love. His [awesome dance moves] became more intense and my body stalled. Another [irritable bowel movement] erupted within my center and I disappeared into him, only my soul was exposed. So close to death, yet immortal, I trembled with every nuance of my [very unfortunate bowel movement].
I glimpsed into his eyes, and discerned he was close to the end. Reaching behind my head, he released me from my bonds. With a final [clench of my butt cheeks], he poured his [medication] into me. My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, to draw him as close to me as I could. My hands found solace in the thickness of his hair. Resting his head on my chest, he lazily bit my [finger]. A lone bead of sweat trickled from his forehead onto my body.
His [ice cream] softened and fell from my [cone]. [ice cream] flowed from my [cone]. We laid together, with nothing between us but the memory of our [lazy stroll in the park]. And we were enraptured.
This is the equivalent now of two fully clothed consenting teenagers petting each other in a booth at Denny’s after Sunday mass. I guess some things are better left uncensored…
Pull up your pants, Chowderheads \m/
**Thank you Chowderhead for that, ahem interesting take on my sexy story. I’m honored, I think. Tongue kisses, gropes, and lots of love from your favorite Rendezvous Girl.**