Very Inspiring Blogger Award-Why I Write

very-inspiring-blogger-award

Don’t ask for whom the bells tolls. It tolls for thee.-Ernest Hemingway

Thank you so much Ajaytao 2010  for nominating me for this award. He has given me so many awards in the last couple of months. It disheartens me that though I’ve accepted them, I haven’t acknowledged the fact on my page. It seems that I’ve forgotten why I write. And essentially whom I write for. I write for me. It’s as simple as that, really. I won’t ever forget again.

I love words, no matter how simple. They make my heart sing, or break. I’m a sap. I make no apologies for it though. Give me a photo and I’ll weave a story. Give me a word and I’ll weave a story. Give me a song. A subject. Even a sad friend needing to purge their soul. I don’t know where the words come from. Well, I sort of do. A thesaurus or dictionary. I’m not afraid to say my vocabulary is limited. Anybody know of a writer’s group in the Ann Arbor area? I need some help. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Here are the rules:

1. Display the award logo on your blog (top).
2. Link back to the person who nominated you (below logo)
3. State 7 things about yourself (below terms).
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them (below 7 things).
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

Seven things about me:

I’m a mouthy little shit.

I hate my body.

I would rather party in a pole barn than anywhere else.

I love with every damn bit of my heart.

I see the best in people. Often, that bites me right in my ass!

I am a very happy person, but cry easily.

I have a great penchant for love, but do NOT fuck with me. If you hurt me, we are DONE.

My nominees are:

Tales of a Charm City Chick

25toFly

The Chowderhead

Christopher De Voss

Erotixx

Cristi Moise

Paula Acton

Benjamin Prewitt

Kayla Lords

t

Charlie Zero

Duncan

Reclining Gentleman

You Jivin’ Me, Turkey

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Do I Want to Give This Blog Up?

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” ― Marilyn Monroe

(I do believe I’m a lot like Marilyn. I’m not sure why I feel a kinship with her. I guess because all I want is to be loved and understood.-Sparkly Girl)

There are times in my day when I think about writing and it overwhelms me to the point that I don’t know if I can write another word. I I have met people while doing this writing thing that have changed my life. In good ways and bad. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster and I think I may want to get off the ride now. I’ve found this passion and I’m feeding it. But at what cost? To become emotionally connected with people I don’t know? And then lose that connection and be devastated? Where is my happy medium? Why can’t I find it anymore?

Maybe I never had one. Maybe this is how I’ve always been. Mixed up, confused, discombobulated, crazy and too clingy. I’m forever changed by the words I’ve written on these pages. I’m changed by all of those that I have “met” while doing this. I’m having a hard time prioritizing my life. I want to write a book. I’ve written the ending. I’ve written the first two chapters, but now I need to continue it. To put the meat in the sandwich, I guess. It’s a love story of course. It’s what I do well for the most part. How I ever started writing about love, I have no idea. This was supposed to be a journal about weight loss and change. It turned into so much more than that.

Will I continue to write this blog? I don’t know. For me it’s difficult because I’ve become very close to some of you. It’s how I communicate. But when I see some blogs come up on my reader, my heart beat freezes and a chill spreads throughout my body. That anticipatory anxiety is what gets to me the worst. It makes me irrational and feel out of control. If you’ve read me for very long, you know I like to be in control. Those of us with Anxiety and Panic Disorder and ADHD need to be in control. It’s a built in defense mechanism.

I hate that part of myself. The angry, crazy and jealous person I can be. I’ll step back for awhile. Type up my couple of chapters and the ending of my book. Then start filling in the rest of the story. The love story. A word of warning to you all. It won’t be pretty. But then some good love stories aren’t. Most aren’t. There’s anger, pain, jealousy, loss and a lot of hurt. My main character does not win the love of her life. But she does change his life for the better.

I don’t know where I’m going just yet. But I’ll let you know when I get there. Thanks so much for reading me.

The Inspiring Blog Award, THANK YOU David!

I’m keeping David’s picture in this post because it is so damn beautiful. I love city life, I really do. The noise, the chaos, the cars and the people out at all hours of the night. The night life is the best in a city. There is ALWAYS something to do. Then you see the first light of day coming up through the high rises. The chaos slows. Then you feel the warmth and promise of a new day. And of course you get your first coffee at Starbucks and all is right with the world. Thank you David Kanigan for the nomination. I know I’m silly, but I tell you every time I get a nomination it makes me giddy. Makes me feel like my words matter, to at least one person. That’s an incredible feeling. It is.

Oh and I LOVED what David said about my blog when he was accepting his nomination, strap in for the ride. (Giggle, snort!)

Just the seven facts, ma’am:

1. I’m extremely impulsive. I’m working on controlling this issue, but you know, I’m impulsive!

2. I’m a HUGE quotes whore. HUGE. Here’s one of my favorites: (“You know, I’m not like a car that you can fix up. I’m never going to run right.” – Bella Swan, New Moon)

3. Love to read. Hate the Kindle. Would rather stand in an old book store all day long and find books to read. I have shelves full of books at home. They’re double stacked. The damn shelves bow they’re so weighed down.

4. Love to swim but fear deep water. The only time I’ve never been afraid was in the Caribbean Sea. I even snorkeled.  Since I could see to the bottom, I had no fear.

5. Want to write a book. Have a chapter finished and the ending. I read the ending a couple of weeks ago and cried. Told Roger Darling it was time to get cracking on it again.

6. My daughter Meggie is getting married to her fiance Chris in 75 days. On a beach in Key West. It’s what she’s always wanted. I want to jump in the ocean after the ceremony but don’t want to ruin my dress for the dinner party that night.

7. I’m really a 24 year old Goth girl. Not a 44 year old Cougar. Shhhhhhh. Don’t tell anyone.

And one more thing. I believe in speaking my mind and telling the truth. Some people don’t like that about me. Some people love it. I hope you love it and stay awhile. There are more rants and short stories to come I’m sure. I’ve been a bit preoccupied with injuries to my body, mind, heart and spirit. I’m resilient though, and the stories will come again. Please do check out the blogs I’ve nominated. They fucking rock! You all know I HAD to say fuck at least once!!!! Oops I said it twice. 🙂

  • http://wax-wane.com/ (I love the photography, the stories that coincide with them and the photos of a young Paul Newman. Sigh.)
  • http://storiesbywilliams.com/ (I don’t know why, but I love sci-fi and all that good junk. Matt writes so well on the genre. )
  • http://help-me-rhonda.com/ (I know she’s been nominated before, but I just love her to pieces)
  • http://thoughtsfromtheoutdoors.wordpress.com/ (David’s work is exemplary. Photography is beautiful and his words make me all twitterpated.)
  • http://aslongasimsinging.wordpress.com/ (What can I say about t? Except he is me, but a boy I think. Hmmmm, I’m not sure. I sure do love his words though) (Oh yeah, and I’m a total music whore and he posts the best damn music that this former 80’s wild child loves!)
  • http://paulaacton.wordpress.com/ (Love this woman!)
  • http://catforsley.me/ (I can’t say enough about this sweet woman. Her words are beautiful. She makes me feel like a star. She’s my Punkin and I’m her MM)
  • http://youjivinmeturkey.com/ (Bradley inspires me every day when he writes. Whether it’s a post of a famous quote or the telling of a sleepless night, his words move me.)
  • http://michellesomer.wordpress.com/ (Michelle moves me with her words, but also with her want to live life. She is dealing with chronic illness, and gets her ass out of bed every day. She finds ways to enjoy life and find comfort. I so admire her for that.)

If you choose to accept the award (absolutely no obligation – just consider this as a thank you for your inspiring posts), the rules are: (1) Link back to the person who nominated you, (2) Post the award image to your page.  (3) Tell seven facts about yourself (4) Nominate 5-10 other blogs, (5) Let them know they are nominated. Congratulations!

Have a great Hump Day… I do plan on doing just that when I get home!!!

The Sweet Smell of Sunscreen

 

I smell sunscreen in the air. Orange creamsicle and coconut aromas waft near my nose. I’m at the adult pool in the Pines. Taking in the sights and sun. The sun, the sun is so vibrant. The clouds like cotton, but sparse enough for the sun to shine through and warm my skin. There’s no humidity and the temperature is about 80 degrees. It’s perfect, perfect, perfect.

I’m wearing a salmon colored pin up style swim suit. I feel like I’m channeling Marilyn Monroe. My golden blonde hair is loose, wild and wavy. It’s being blown about by a gentle breeze. I have SPF 15 on my Sally tat, because I don’t want her to fade. I’ll put SPF 8 all over the rest of me after a swim. Or maybe after I go down the water slide a few times. My Caribbean blue eyes are protected by sunglasses that look like Jackie O’s. Big and round, cute. They are the color of a strawberry Jolly Rancher. I wish they tasted like one. I’d eat them.

Of course I have a note pad and a pen. The color of the ink is purple. I have a copy of the book, The Stand. I read it every summer. I have my Ariel towel. Because, well, I’m a princess. Full water bottle of course. There’s not much to do today, but enjoy the beautimous day. Hey, I know it’s not a word. I make them up to suit me. I’m kinda quirky that way.

There’s about 20 people here. Laying out, reading, swimming, soaking up the sun. One woman is reading Fifty Shades of Gray. I find it funny, and I chuckle out loud. Don’t ask me why it tickles me, but it does. I then notice an old creeper dude staring at me. He’s wearing sunglasses so he thinks I can’t see him ogling me. He’s so damn obvious about it. I want to run over to him and scream in his face to stop fucking looking at me! Just fucking stop it! I take my strawberry colored sunglasses off and stare directly at him. He gets the message, and turns away. I’m not used to be stared at, and I don’t like it.

My skin is getting warm and a little pink. My summer freckles are coming out on my nose and forehead. I think it’s time for a quick dip in the pool. Wish you were here though, I could use some help with applying sunscreen to my back.

Oh, I did go down the water slide. Ten times. Because I really AM 12 years old.

For the Love of an Old Book

Literature is my Utopia. Here I am not disenfranchised. No barrier of the senses shuts me out from the sweet, gracious discourses of my book friends. They talk to me without embarrassment or awkwardness. – Helen Keller

There’s nothing like standing in a used bookstore, perusing the titles of old books. Trying to find the perfect novel to read. I love books. The smell. The yellowing pages. The creases in those pages. The broken spines. The history of who read them before me. What they imagined as they took the story in. I visualize them leaving fingerprints on the front and back cover of the book. Did they read the last chapter as I often do? Read it quickly or savor every word? Where did they read it? On the beach? In bed beside a lover? In the car? Where?

I try to read slowly, but I always end up devouring every word. Roger Darling finds it funny that I can have four books going at the same time. I can’t help it. I must read. Everything. I have a Kindle. I don’t like it much. It’s not a book.

I have an unabridged copy of The Stand by Stephen King. He was my favorite author when I was growing up. The book is 25 years old. It’s HUGE! I don’t even have the dust jacket anymore. That’s okay, the spine isn’t broken yet. And I’m the only one that’s read it for the last 25 summers. I read it on the beach every damn summer. Every damn summer. Stu is my hero. But Larry, he is my favorite character. He is so tortured by his past. By his future. By the stand that he will be a part of.

I use my Kindle but it’s not my favorite. It’s not a book that I can hold onto. Feel the pages of. Feel the history of. I’d rather shelves full of old, musty books. Let my Kindle gather dust. Let my bookshelves gather dust. I’ll be sure to displace some of that dust, when I grab my copy of The Stand to read this summer.