Tunesday-Brave

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You can be amazing…. You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug…. (Yes, I would totally do what these dancers did. I would dance with no music, for no reason. I WOULD!!!!)

Good Tunesday my loves. Sorry I’ve been away for so long. Life has changed drastically in the last week or so. I’ve moved out and am living on my own for the first time in my adult life. The silence is sometimes deafening, but I’m keeping busy with household projects. I’ve been visiting friends and trying to learn to do things on my own. Trying to brave.

I’m learning to be truthful in my pursuit of happiness. To think not only of myself, but the others that my quest affects.

My advice, open your heart and mouth. Screw up the courage within and speak your truth. Be prepared, because the outcome ain’t gonna be pretty. Cry your heart out, wait for the dust to settle but be strong in your convictions. Move forward!

Not everyone is going to like what you have to say, or the path you decide to take. Live your life, without selfishness. In time, you will forgive yourself. Hopefully, others will forgive you even if they don’t fully understand your motives. You. Must. Choose. Your. Path.

Your future depends on it.

I dedicate this post and song to those in my life that are searching for courage. For their chance to roar. It takes 20 seconds to speak up and change your life. Make yourself heard and love with all of your heart and soul.

I wanna see you be brave.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX,

A Sparkly Girl

P.S. I’ve written a short story for my Romantic Wednesday post. With a little editing, it should be perfect.

BLOW ME (One Last Kiss)

Just when I think it can’t get worse, I had a shit day (no!)
You had a shit day (no!), we’ve had a shit day (no!)
I think that life’s too short for this
I’ll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I’ve had enough of shit, Blow me one last kiss.

As David from Lead.Learn.Live. has said about my blog, strap in for the ride. Because darlin’s here we go. Feeling a bit like a snarky bitch today. I’ve just about had it. These last few months have SUCKED! Fucking sucked!!!!!! I’ve gained 20 lbs because I haven’t been able to run. I’ve been drinking because I’m a whiny dumb ass. I’ve been obsessing over shit I can’t fix. I’m pissed off at myself for not being able to hold onto friendships and relationships. I’ve changed. It’s what I’ve done. I can’t go back. I won’t. I have to get up and run. Every damn time I want to go back to the gym something happens. There’s some road block. Some obstacle that gets in my way and fucks everything up. But no more!!!!!!!

As I was helping my Adam Boy move tonight, he had me laughing my ass off. At one point in the evening, he looked at me and asked me how we could be related. I told him, I was there and I know I gave birth to him. He’s such a cynical shit. Then I started singing and Meggie bitched at me to shut up, because my voice sucks. I have to say even though they are shit heads, I love them immensely. I looked at them after we repainted a bedroom in the apartment and said come hell or high water, I was going back to the gym tomorrow night.

I’m tired of feeling anxious and being a cranky cunt. I need to get fucking moving!!!!! I’ve worked too damn hard to go back. I can’t backslide. As I was driving home tonight, one of my new favorite songs came on the radio. Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by P!nk. I idolize her. She is the epitome of what I want to be. She doesn’t give a fuck and she says what’s on her mind. She sings what’s on MY mind.

I cranked up the radio, banged on the roof of my car and sang my ass off. I made the decision that enough is enough. I’m done whining and making excuses. It’s time to get back in the gym and get this crazy aggression out of me. As I was telling Rory today, instead of self-destruction, I need to focus on self-preservation. Not only of my body, but my heart and soul too.

I’ve made a lot of connections here in this lovely blogosphere. While some have been good and healthy. Some have been self-defeating and taken me into a downward spiral. It’s time to look up. To move on.

Tonight when I got home, I turned on some P!nk and danced in the living room in my tank shirt and undies. This Sparkly Girl is heading back to the gym and starting the long way back to being able to run 3.5 miles again. Sometimes the best revenge is living well. It’s what I plan to do. Every damn day of my life. I’m going to live well.

I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I won’t breathe, I won’t worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you’ll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the wise, will be crystal clear

It’s the Second Day of Vacation, So it Must be Time for my Period!

Periods are super fun. Especially on vacation! Ah well, it could be worse. Tracy and I haven’t stopped talking. Her lovely husband showed up today. They’re out taking pictures and I took a nap. Now I’m living on the edge, eating rice cakes and drinking Diet Coke. We had plans today to beach it but we haven’t moved around much. Just relaxing and still talking. I’ve written a few things.  Tracy took a picture of me writing at the kitchen table. It made me a little misty eyed. I’m sure it won’t be the only time that happens this week. Can’t wait to see what her photos inspire me to write this week. Below are some of my word doodles that I scribbled down as I was making the eight hour trek to God’s country.

By Beaver Valley and Mile 12. The word Beaver tickles me silly.

Ch, ch, ch, ch changes, you can’t trace time.

First sweet and sour Charms Pop sucker. My tongue is blue now. It looks like I gave Papa Smurf a BJ.

I hear Bridges Burning by the Foo Fighters. Dave Grohl makes me wanna scream! The bass is so heavy it makes my rear view mirror vibrate.

Why is it when I see someone driving a Beemer I want to roll my window down and scream, Hey! You’re a fucking asshole?

P!nk sings, Don’t Let me Get Me. I’m my own worst enemy.

Then Tiny Dancer. Reminds me of Cameron Crowe and Almost Famous. And Adam Boy. The first time I heard him sing this song with his tenor voice, I cried. Of course I did. The boy makes my heart melt.

I think more about my children. WOW! Even in their 20’s they still find ways to amaze me.

OMFG I need gas!

Ah my Max Bemis starts singing Metal Now. He’s Metal Now, but he always was. He is my imaginary lover. All fucked up and bi-polar and shit. He’s a fucking genius!

Ears pop in peaks and valleys.

Clouds form with thunderheads and makes my Spidey Senses tingle.

Then it’s The Outsiders by NeedtoBreathe On the outside
You’re free to roam
On the outside
We found a home
On the outside
There’s more to see
On the outside
We choose to be.