Made for TV Porn by Chowderhead

Man kissing tummy

Made for TV Porn

Hey there, sex maniacs!  I’d ask what’s up, but I already know the answer to that question: your boners!  I can’t blame you though; a quick skim through Renee’s playground here, and I’m feeling a bit naughty myself – like I just watched my neighbors do the bumpity bump out in the middle of the parking lot…

I spoke with my pal Renee here awhile back, about having her write a guest submission for Chowderhead.  However, I forgot to mention that I’m not a sex blogger, and although I don’t mind dropping a few fuck’s, shit’s, and bastard’s, I try to refrain from topics like bukkake, bondage, and butt sex.

So, after I received Renee’s submission, I read through it quickly and decided that it might be a little too risqué for my standard audience.  My editor (me) agreed, so I decided to trim the raunchy edges a bit, and turn it into more of an ABC Family piece – you know, something a bit more wholesome.

It turned out to be quite a challenge…

We were Enraptured…While we ate Ice Cream Together

He bound me to our bed and began to devour my [ham sandwich that I made for him]. Little nibbles around the lips gave way to him ravaging my swollen [thumb that I slammed in the car door today]. The tongue lashing left me mewling like a kitten. I thrashed my legs about his [lazy boy sofa] and [ottoman] begging him to [make some popcorn for] me. To let me [eat snacks]. He would not honor my fierce cries. As I continued to battle him with my legs, he put [salt on my popcorn] with his [salt shaker]. I embraced the onslaught, without embracing him.

Feeling my [Aqua Net] spray his mouth and chin, it drizzled onto our cotton sheets made warm by the blood coursing through our veins. Without opening my eyes to look at him I knew, he was basking in the taste of my [hairspray].

‘My Love, fill me with your [happiness, not your hairspray], I breathed, my eyes now open, shined only for him.

He looked up at me, and responded, ‘All in due time, my Darling.’

My body responded to the constant barrage of his [funny jokes] and [movie one-liners]. Finally, he allowed me to lose myself in the most exquisite apex. The churning began in my [irritable bowel suddenly] and emanated through my entire being. It seemed that it would last forever. My body continued to quake. His arms wrapped around my legs to hold his [ice cream cone] to me while the storm continued to brew. As it subsided, my legs quivered and I was covered in a sheen of sweat.

I felt him shift his weight and move above me. He lowered his body onto [my sofa again, geez], I felt the head of his [Labrador retriever] brush the length of my [leg]. The sound that emerged from my lips could only be heard by heaven. And him. With a flourish he [thanked] me completely and began to entice me with [square dance] movements I never knew existed.

‘Release my hands so I can embrace you’, I begged.

Continuing to move his [doe see doe] inside of [the gymnasium], he repeated, ‘All in due time, my Darling.’

I moved with him, not against. We were fluid motion and love. His [awesome dance moves] became more intense and my body stalled. Another [irritable bowel movement] erupted within my center and I disappeared into him, only my soul was exposed. So close to death, yet immortal, I trembled with every nuance of my [very unfortunate bowel movement].

I glimpsed into his eyes, and discerned he was close to the end. Reaching behind my head, he released me from my bonds. With a final [clench of my butt cheeks], he poured his [medication] into me. My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, to draw him as close to me as I could. My hands found solace in the thickness of his hair. Resting his head on my chest, he lazily bit my [finger]. A lone bead of sweat trickled from his forehead onto my body.

His [ice cream] softened and fell from my [cone]. [ice cream] flowed from my [cone]. We laid together, with nothing between us but the memory of our [lazy stroll in the park]. And we were enraptured.

*****

This is the equivalent now of two fully clothed consenting teenagers petting each other in a booth at Denny’s after Sunday mass.  I guess some things are better left uncensored…

Pull up your pants, Chowderheads \m/

**Thank you Chowderhead for that, ahem interesting take on my sexy story. I’m honored, I think. Tongue kisses, gropes, and lots of love from your favorite Rendezvous Girl.**

Advertisements

Bloggers for Movember – My Homey G Chowderhead

My Homey G Chowderhead asked me to contribute my lovely photo with a proper douche stache to show my support for Movember (aka No Shave November, aka Prostate Cancer Awareness). Hey men over 40, get your ass to the doctor, and get a digital violation. It’s once a year and can save your damn life. We women go to the damn gyno once a year and birth children. One finger up the ass once a year isn’t going to make you less manly. Hey, you might find you like it. Hahahahahahahahahha!

While I’m not a participating blogger, I decided to show my support by donning some Fuck Me Red lipstick, Pinup style eyeliner and a stache.

Snapshot_20131117

Even Cinders my devil cat decided to show her support. Obviously, she was fucking pissed about it. You should have heard her growling at me. I thought for sure she was going to scratch my eyeballs out when I set her back down on the floor. It was for a worthy cause, so she endured. Kitty bitch didn’t scratch me, but I’m sure I’ll find a puddle of piss on the bathroom floor soon. That’s how she retaliates. With piss. GREAT!

Cinders the Devil Cat

Many of my blogger friends are having Movember contests. Visit them to find out more.

25toFly

Sips of Jen and Tonic

Brother Jon

The Life of JWO

Chowderhead

I’ve removed my mustache and my FMR lipstick. Still got my Pinup style eyeliner on. This old girl has to look pretty when she goes grocery and business suit shopping. Yes, the single life I live is so damn exciting I could pee!

Have a great Sunday my loves. Remember, every day we wake up above ground is a day to be treasured. MWAH!!!!!!!

Snapshot_20131117_2

Maybe I’ll write some smut later. Hmmmmmmm, we’ll see.