Journal Entry-Happiness and 180 Days

Happiness“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”-Confucius

Yeah, I know it’s been awhile, but I’m back.

The holidays were different this year, but none the less special. My ex-husband, Roger Darling and I shared the expense of buying gifts for our four kids. We prepared dinner together. Prime rib, mashed red skin potatoes, and a wonderful salad bar. We ate heartily and laughed exuberantly. Even though our family is now fractured, there is still happiness and laughter.

We spoiled our children with good gifts like we always have. And filled their stockings with everything they could possibly want. Thank you God for the dollar store!!!

The kids drank wine and beer, but it didn’t bother me. I drank Diet Coke and quietly celebrated my own milestone of another day without a drop of alcohol. I know Roger Darling keeps track of my sobriety, which I’m kind of honored by. I will never understand how a man who’s heart I shattered could give two shits about me. Never mind, I do know. Even after everything we’ve been through, he still loves me. I may not love him the same way, but we will always have a connection. We were a family, once upon a time…

In this New Year, I celebrate that I’ve been sober for over 180 days.

Many times I’ve stood in the liquor aisle and stroked the bottles of flavored vodka. They called to me like they were my lover, but it is a siren’s song. I knew if I took a drink, I would crash into the shore of my own self-destruction again, and again, and again.

I made myself walk away from those bottles of poison, more than once. No matter how lonely, depressed or angry I got, I never drank.

I just knew the next day would be full of hope, promise and at least one reason to smile.

I’m still finding my way back to happy. It isn’t in the bottom of a vodka bottle.

It’s within me.

My heart, mind and soul are happier, sober.

I’m no Pollyanna. There are days that I can barely get out of bed. I force myself to get up and face the day. Just waking up without a hangover and going to work is blessing enough.

Happy New Year my dear friends. I hope that 2014 is a better year for all of you. May you all let go of fear, and live the lives you desire.

Love,

A sober and somewhat happy Sparkly Girl

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Trying to Find my Happiness at Christmas

Christmas Jack

I want it, oh, I want it
Oh, I want it for my own
I’ve got to know
I’ve got to know
What is this place that I have found?
What is this?
Christmas Town, hmm…
I’m not a big fan of Christmas anymore. The music is horrid and Roger Darling insists on listening to it from the beginning of November till December 26th. It’s all this sparkly girl can do to keep from cutting herself every time I have to ride in his car with him. If you’ve read me for very long you know I’m passionate about a few things. Okay, I’m passionate about everything. But music is my biggest passion. However movies are another. And of course there’s the lovely Sally and Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Sally is my alter ego. In my heart beats the musings and music of a pretty dead girl. Don’t ask me why. Some things can’t be explained, nor should they be.
I love the movie, the music, and the love story. For someone so loud and shiny, I can be quite morose. This time of year especially. I was trying to think of a song to cheer me up. Then this silly picture of Jack came up in my FB newsfeed. I knew the song I had to post up. What’s This from TNBC. Of course! I watched the video this morning and sang along. Christmas time began to buzz in my skull and I was happy. I do know the reason for the season. But it seems so many others have forgotten. I’m not trying to be sacrilegious with my post. I’m only trying to find my happy place. Of course it would come in the form of Jack and Sally. Now it’s time for this Sparkly Girl to get ready to head to Sis’s place for dinner and a crazy White Elephant gift exchange.
Merry Christmas from my family to yours. Much love to you all. Eat and drink too much and then take a shit ton of Mylanta to settle your stomach. XOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOX

Friday Fictioneers-The Meeting

Christmas is the time to let your heart do the thinking.-Patricia Clafford

Special thanks to Rochelle for the prompt for November 30, 2012. This story makes me giddy. Not sure why, but I sure do like it. Hope that you do too. Have a good one my sweet readers and followers.

Love, Sparkly Girl

Cars pass by on the busy street. Christmas lights gleam in the waning of the day. Shoppers scurry around him. He waits to meet her. Till tonight it was texts and phantom voices over cell phones. They long for the safety of each other. The familiar. Yet they’re strangers with the passage of time. He looks down the sidewalk.  Sees her striding toward him. Her hair haloed by the lights of the season. She sees him. Her smile broadens. Anxieties disappear as they embrace. She pulls back, looks up at him and says, “it was always supposed to be you.”