I Will Follow You Into the Dark

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No words are coming to me today. There’s sadness in my heart. It’s dark and rainy too. Just want to stay in bed on days like this. Headed to the funeral home later to say goodbye to a cousin that died suddenly a few days ago. I want to be happy that Meggie is getting married, but my heart breaks for my cousin’s family. They are in mourning while we are celebrating. It isn’t fair. But who said life was supposed to be?

Love of mine, some day you will die

But I’ll be close behind

I’ll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white

Just our hands clasped so tight

Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied Illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I’ll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule

I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black

And I held my tongue as she told me “Son fear is the heart of love”

So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I’ll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see

From Bangkok to Calgary

And the soles of your shoes

Are all worn down

The time for sleep is now

It’s nothing to cry about

‘Cause we’ll hold each other soon

In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I’ll follow you into the dark

Then I’ll follow you into the dark

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She Writes Music on her Hands

She drove to work. Her head spinning. Her heart racing. She perused the radio stations. She was looking for just the right song. Something to soothe. Uplift. Calm her heart and mind. Then she heard it, Need to Breathe. The title of the song, More Time. Isn’t that what she always wanted? Isn’t that what everyone wants? To feel like we have more time? To breathe, to live, to just be? She then heard Death Cab for Cutie. An older one, but still incredibly good. I Will Possess Your Heart. Who’s heart did she possess? Who possessed hers? Did she want anyone to have her heart or did she want to be free?

Time for a commercial. She had no time for commercials. She wanted to hear the next song. Feel the next emotion. She thrived on emotion. She flipped to the next station and heard her theme song of the moment, Wild Ones by Sia and Flo-Rida. It takes her back to when she was young, wild and free. She feels that way again, after what she’s been through in the last year. After all these changes in her body, mind and soul. She dances in the bucket seat of her car, Candy Blue. She named her car after a stripper. She’s NEVER named a car before. After the song is over, she flips the station again. On comes a song by U2. Her favorite by far. Beautiful Day. As she heads down State Street in the direction of her office, she sings, It’s a Beautiful Day, don’t let it get away….. She doesn’t want to let one more day get away from her. Ever.

She writes music on her hand, so that she won’t forget how it makes her feel. She writes music on her hand, because it makes her feel. Everything and nothing. It’s like cutting, really. She cuts herself emotionally with music. It makes her feel raw. Hurt. Alive. Dead. Exuberant. Whatever emotion the song portrays, she feels it. It’s like a gift. But it’s also a curse. It makes her feel too much. Want too much. Want nothing. She’ll keep listening though. She’ll keep hoping, that the next song will be the right one. That it will take her to where her heart and mind should be.