Insignificance

SPARKLE!This is not going to be a Debbie Downer post. It isn’t.

I disconnected this weekend. I stayed away from Facebook. Steered clear of WordPress too. Until Sunday when RG and I put the finishing touches on a story that we’d been writing for a few weeks.

I kept to myself. I enjoyed the rainy days and the January thaw. I watched bad movies.

I laid on the couch on Saturday night. Snuggled close to the husband and watched (Ick!) football. Peyton Manning was playing, so I didn’t mind it too much. I think he’s such a damn doll. Funny too. Give me a funny man and I melt. The Wonder Schnauzers draped themselves all over us. We went to bed at 10:00 pm. Slept in till 8:00 the next morning.

I went to the movies with Roger Darling on Sunday. Zero Dark Thirty (go see it!). Did an early dinner. Folded clean laundry. Wasted time. Drank coffee. Got food around the week. It’s time to eat healthy again.

I have to tell you, it was probably one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time.

When I logged into Facebook this morning, I didn’t feel the draw to it I usually do. I didn’t feel it too much when I was on WordPress either. I checked my work email a bit and I’ve been working on reimbursements and all kinds of other office paper work. I’ve stayed off of my iPhone too.

My mind isn’t racing. My thoughts aren’t scattered. I’m breathing easy and not anxious. There’s no depression; anger. For today anyway. I’m smiling. Not apprehensive. My soul is quiet. Not tortured.

I’ve come to the realization that I’m but a speck of sand on a beach. A mere ripple of wave in a vast sea. I must quell my need for significance.

I’m here to get on in this life and live the best I can. To love those around me.

It’s nice when you realize your own insignificance and fade into the background.

To let go.

Love and kisses, An insignificant Sparkly Girl (and I really am okay with that.)

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Finding the Moon, and my Christmas Spirit

George and Mary Bailey

Now you listen to me….

I don’t want any plastics, and I don’t want any ground floors, and I don’t want to get married-ever-to anyone!

You understand that? I want to do what I want to do, and you’re…and you’re….

It’s been a crazy month. Hell, it’s been a crazy year. I don’t even know where the time has gone. I need a vacation. I need a nap. I need a drink. I need, need, need something. But I’ll be damned if I can figure out what it is. Part of what I need is time. But time for what? I’m not sure. I need to dance. I need to disconnect. I need to touch and be touched. I need to sleep in. I need to read a good book. To write a good book.

I need to watch an old black and white movie. I need to go home and change into my jammies. I need to pour a cup of hot coffee, with cream and two Sweet and Low. I need to turn on my DVD player and listen to George Bailey sing Buffalo Gal to Mary. I need to get completely lost in a movie that always makes me long for Christmas. That makes me long for days when my kids were little and they still believed. When I still believed. I need to disconnect from my computer. Disconnect from the world and fall for a simple man like George. That’s what I need.

So tonight, I’ll go home and do all of those simple things. I’ll snuggle in with my Wonder Schnauzers and watch a simple man named George fall in love with Mary. It will bring me back to life. It will bring me back to me. It will bring me back to the time when I still believed. In life, love and magic.