Watch Your Fucking Language and 5 Minutes to Change the Next 50 Years of Your Life

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When we were little girls we were told to be ladylike. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Let the boy come to you. When we were grown, we were told to find a man to take care of you. Be a delicate flower. Be thin. Be anything but yourself. Don’t eat on a date. Don’t drink too much. Blend in. Be the wallflower. Be demure. Be, be, be, but don’t be you.

I was never the quiet girl. I was never the one to follow the crowd. I was the unicorn. The girl with the big boobs that weighed 150 lbs. and was thought of as fat. The one that decided rebellion was a good thing. I laughed too loud. I swore a lot. I drank, smoked cigarettes and weed, but I was the good girl too. And did I LOVE boys! I wore clothes to reflect my mood for the day. I didn’t belong to any group or clique. Just flitted from clique to clique like a butterfly lighting on the blooms in a garden. I belonged everywhere and nowhere, and that was okay.

As I get older, the butterfly that flitted from group to group is tired and looking for a home. I still belong everywhere and nowhere. I think part of it is because I was adopted and might still be feeling lost from that. It’s not healthy to be feeling abandoned at this age. I know that this thought is of my own making, and I have to be the one that steps away from that sorry and into the light.

So today I say fuck the fuckers, and use my loud voice. I’m the girl with the big boobs. I’m the girl that is not the typical beauty. I’m not a delicate flower, nor do I want to be. I want to be the girl that rages against the dying of the light. It’s time for me to be, be, be and to the real me. I am a goddess rising, a butterfly and a unicorn. I’m not just a manic pixie dream girl, hell bent on being the sidekick.

I’m the dreamer and the dream, in charge of my own destiny. So what if I say fuck, a lot!?

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Will you?

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Will you lay on top of me?

Touch my face?

Tell me how good it feels to be inside of me?

That you don’t want to be anywhere else?

Will you fuck me slowly?

Then hard enough to bruise my inner thighs?

Will you?

Remind me that I’m yours?

I’m feeling like Billie Joe Armstrong Today

FFFFUUUUCCCCCCKKKK!

I’m having me a damn day. First off I’m an office manager. I gave both of my staff members the day off. Stupid thing to do on a Monday. But you know I’m a nice person dammit and sometimes I have to give them both the day off. One’s daughter got married last weekend, and the second she’s going back to college and she had to go see her adviser. These are super important life changes and by God I knew I could handle one day in the office by myself. Or so I thought.

First the damn stapler in the biggest and most used photocopier/scanner/printer jams and I had no fucking clue how to change it. I had to lay on the damn floor and yank as hard as I could to get the damn thing out of the machine. I had my colleague on my cell phone, talking me through the process. I sat there with hemostats and then ripped the broken staples out of the machine. Once that task was done, the photocopier/scanner/printer on the third floor jammed. After I fixed that one. The other one on the second floor ran out of staples so off I ran to fix that. Then a professor had last minute copies to be made, and I had to do that. For the love of God I was running around like a crazy woman. I kept smiling though, dammit! Actually I think I was maniacally laughing.

Then the calls from the family started coming in. The texts too. All about money, cell phones, cars, wedding plans, cruise questions, and money. And, and, and, and. I finally texted Roger Darling and said if you all don’t stop bitching about money I’m going to fucking run away!!!! He told me he should have worn more condoms! We were losing our ever loving minds. Because though we’ve only given birth to two children, we now have four. Because they have partners. Whom we dearly, dearly, dearly love. But they drive us just as crazy as the children we birthed.

I didn’t hear from anyone for awhile which was good because I still had my own work to do after I fixed every damn thing else that broke. I actually got a lot done. Thank God!!

True to form my Roger Darling texts and says babe I’ve got a solution, call me. So I do. I’m to meet two of our kids at the ATT store to get a new cell phone and he’ll meet the other two at Spirit Ford to check out  a used car. Leave it to my Roger to get it worked out. What would I do without him?

So now the day has finally calmed down, and we had dinner together. I think I’m going to go sit with Rogie on the couch and make out with him. He deserves at least a good tongue kiss for all the problem-solving he’s done today.

Here’s to a valium, good sleep and a good French kissing. G’night my sweet friends.

BTW I was in the pit at a Green Day concert a few years ago. One of the best fucking nights of my life!!!!!