A Broken Hoo Hoo, A Wedding, and A Funeral

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Fuck, I need to be at the beach right now!

I’ve had a broken hoo hoo for at least six weeks. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say it hasn’t been pretty.  I called my awesome ob/gyn over a month ago. The nurse responded that I was probably in peri-menopause and what I was going through was normal. She was quite the bitch to me. You don’t know how badly I wanted reach through the phone and slap her. I decided to wait another week and call back if my symptoms didn’t change.

Fast forward a week and of course the symptoms were still the same. Since Meggie was getting married soon, I decided I didn’t want to end up in a hospital in Mexico having a hysterectomy. I called the doctor again, explained my plight and they scheduled an appointment for me ASAP.

I was sure what the problems was. I had gained back a few pounds so I probably didn’t ovulate. I’d be given a prescription for Provera. I’d have to take it for ten days, bleed profusely and then all would be right with my body again. Yippee!!!!!

During my exam, the doctor and I chatted about the impending wedding. She couldn’t believe one of the first babies she was involved in delivering was old enough to get married. She biopsied my uterus and gave me an internal ultra-sound. Throughout the exam she assured me everything looked good. But she had to do all of these tests to rule out cancer and infections. There it was, the C word.

I told her that this crap was putting a serious crimp in my sex life. And we needed to fix it STAT! The doctor laughed hysterically at me. I giggled right with her. I checked out with a scrip for Provera, with plans to pick it up along with a crap ton of feminine products on my way home from work. It was just like I thought, my body was rebelling from the weight gain. Yeesh!

Imagine my surprise when I received a call from my doctor the Friday after my appointment. She informed me that there was a concern about abnormal cell growth in my uterus. Of course cancer was discussed. It appears that the cell growth is pre pre cancer. Of course I am afraid. I’m trying to be strong and smile through it. I’m a positive person, even if I am a snarky, sarcastic bitch sometimes.

I told Roger Darling about it. He’s a supportive partner, but I know he’s scared too. I have to have surgery in January. Here I was hoping that 2013 was going to be a better year. I pray that it will be even with this little kink in my uterus.

In one more week we’ll be in Miami, we’ll board a cruise ship and head to Key West for Meg and Chris’s wedding. I can’t wait to get out of this town and put my toes in the sand. Maybe it will change my fear to happiness. I know the way I am. I will smile through it and enjoy my time with my daughter and new son in law. However the fear will creep back in when I’m alone and my mind is racing. I’ll shed a few tears in private too.

A dear cousin of ours died suddenly and we have to attend his funeral today. It’s so sad that as we get older the only time  we ever see family is at a wedding or a funeral. I want to be joyous about the upcoming wedding, but we must get through some sadness first.

Such is life after all. Such is life.

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

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No words are coming to me today. There’s sadness in my heart. It’s dark and rainy too. Just want to stay in bed on days like this. Headed to the funeral home later to say goodbye to a cousin that died suddenly a few days ago. I want to be happy that Meggie is getting married, but my heart breaks for my cousin’s family. They are in mourning while we are celebrating. It isn’t fair. But who said life was supposed to be?

Love of mine, some day you will die

But I’ll be close behind

I’ll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white

Just our hands clasped so tight

Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied Illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I’ll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule

I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black

And I held my tongue as she told me “Son fear is the heart of love”

So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I’ll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see

From Bangkok to Calgary

And the soles of your shoes

Are all worn down

The time for sleep is now

It’s nothing to cry about

‘Cause we’ll hold each other soon

In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I’ll follow you into the dark

Then I’ll follow you into the dark