My very addictive personality and all sorts of strongholds are a thing of the past for me. Yet at the root of every single one of those issues was insecurity, something I had battled since childhood.
Beth Moore-Living Proof Ministries
I don’t like people who have never fallen or stumbled.
Their virtue is lifeless and it isn’t of much value.
Life hasn’t revealed its beauty to them.
I know I haven’t written anything lately. I haven’t stuck to my format either. Life is crazy, crazy, crazy. So here’s a quote for Thursday. I promise that I’m writing a story for Friday Fictioneers. It’s a sad one, because that’s what I write best.
Sometimes words dry up, or I stop giving a shit. Or the family I’ve been trying to keep together for 24 years finally falls apart because of me. I would rather beg for forgiveness of my children than write a journal entry or post a Tunesday entry.
Maybe I’m trying to stay sober and need to write out my fourth step. That’s more important than writing about romance. I love the written word, but ‘writer’ is only one of the many names I bear. Today I’d rather be a mother, daughter, friend, employee, etc.
I’d like to hide, but I won’t. I’d like to go running, but I’m out of shape.
I’m not asking for pats on the back or kind words. I don’t want to be told it will be all right, because it won’t.
Tonight, I’ll drive home while music blares on the radio. I’ll be chair dancing and singing along. When I arrive, there will be dogs barking and warm kisses from Wonder Schnauzers and Baxter my grand dog. Roger Darling will be there with a cup of coffee and conversation. Dinner will commence and dishes will be done. I might pack a few of my things up before I head to bed.
During the night after I head to the bathroom for the third time, I’ll snuggle back down in bed and listen to the silence. I’ll pray that the next time I fall, I don’t take my whole family down with me.
I am constantly explaining myself to almost everyone in my life. It’s exhausting. I just want to be loved for who I am, not what you need me to be. I am human, and I am flawed. I am woman, but more than that. I am a writer, lover, whore, mother, saint, sinner, and child. I am love.
Sir Dorian Vega of The House of Vega, a society and culture page on Facebook took a comment of mine and posted it as a quote. I was incredibly honored that he thought enough of what I had written to do so. It was shared 13 times by people all over the world. That means that maybe, just maybe today someone thousands of miles away from my little corner of the world is sharing the words that I wrote. Maybe, just maybe, they are being read and changing the life of someone that feels the same way I do, sometimes. Maybe, just, maybe.
Love and kisses my friends.
23 years old girl travelling solo on a motorcycle.
A brief portfolio of writing by Ally Askew
Forty Matches to Finding Myself
Authentic Stories of Addiction and Sobriety
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