Keep Calm and Carry On??? No Fucking Thanks!!!

I saw this picture and thought of you! I read this as a sign to rebel against the “norms” and live the way you want because one person can change the world, or at least one person’s world. And you’re changing people’s lives every single day by being exactly who you are and not apologizing for it.-RWR reader

I received this in a private message last night after I posted my latest entry called I Don’t Chase After Anyone Anymore. I have to say that it must have struck a nerve with a lot of people because I received so many positive comments. Both public and private. I’m overwhelmed by my reader’s message to me. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again, I write the things that many people feel. I’m not afraid to say them though. I do this so that others don’t have to.

I oftentimes second guess myself and wonder if my words make a difference. Then I receive a message from a sweet young woman that is trying to find her way in this big bad world. The thing she doesn’t realize though I’m not so young anymore, I’m doing the same thing. I’m still trying to find my worth and my way. I’m trying to find where I fit in. How to leave my mark. What I can do to make this world a better place not only for me but for others.

With my young reader’s words and the sign she sent me, she made me realize that I have left my mark. I’ve left it in her heart. I’ve helped her realize that being “normal” is boring. That we must create our own normal. I hope I keep inspiring others along with myself. There’s still a lot of work to be done.

I read the message to Roger Darling last night and tears were streaming down my face. He asked me why I was crying. I told him because this is all I ever wanted to do. I wanted to inspire. He told me it wasn’t the first time I’d heard that I had changed someone by what I’d written. And it most certainly won’t be the last. Damn do I love that man.

I think my next post is going to be about a mind altering blow job, so watch out! Happy Sunday and Happy Veteran’s Day.

 

Tales of an Addictive/Compulsive/Impulsive Sparkly Girl

No, I didn’t break out in handcuffs. However, I did break out in stupidity. Read on, dear reader, read on. Oh and on the subject of RDJ, yeah I’d hit that. In 100 different ways. Giggle!!!!

I started writing this on 10/19/2012. Not sure when I will post it. Not sure of anything as of late. Except the fact that life is only as good as you make it. So I’ve decided to make a good life for myself and those around me. First off, I have a confession to make. I am an addictive personality and very compulsive/impulsive. I think with my heart most of the time, and to hell with the outcome. Then my conscience gets the better of me and I have incredible panic and anxiety over my actions. I’ve always been this way. It’s not something I can shut off. It’s something that I must live with and control every day. It sucks, but it’s who I am. Secondly, I am an alcoholic. Yes, I am. My addictive/compulsive/impulsive brain thought that I could drink again after all the weight loss and exercise. What I got was a big, fat nope, you can’t do that!  I got the message after I proceeded to drink a magnum of wine one night and pour my heart out to a friend that I had no business pouring my heart out to.

My Roger Darling knows nothing of this binge and if he reads this post this is where he will find it out. I’ve been married to the man for 23 years. He’s kinda got this sparkly but tarnished girl figured out. For reasons completely unknown to me, he stays. He stays with an addictive/compulsive/impulsive woman who does stupid shit when she drinks. He stays with an addictive/compulsive/impulsive woman when she doesn’t drink and still does stupid shit. He stays. And why does he stay? Because he loves this addictive/compulsive/impulsive woman. Yes he does.  For that, I love him with every part of me that I can.

He sat down with me a few days ago after my wine binge, which he might have known about but didn’t acknowledge, and said, “woman, I love you, get your shit together.”  I said, “you’re right honey, I’m sorry I will.”  AGAIN! I’ve been saying shit like that for hmmmmm, going on 23 years now. That evening he had to go back to work for a few hours. We sat, had coffee, watched the Tigers sweep the Yankees (YAY!) and chatted. I gave him my word that it was a night for me to disconnect. To watch 30 Rock, Up All Night and The Office on NBC. Then it was bed and a book. No computer. No writing. No texting. Nada, nothing, zip, zilch, and zero. And that my friends, is exactly what I did. I threw out the empty wine bottle, I kicked my feet up and watched crappy t.v. Which isn’t that crappy because 30 Rock is the shit! Tracy Morgan makes me laugh so hard, I wet myself. I talked to Roger Darling on the phone. Then crawled into bed with the Wonder Schnauzers nestled around me and slept the best I had in weeks. I never even heard RD crawl into bed with me later that night. I was out!

The next morning, I awoke and I was happy. Maybe even a little sparkle had returned. I’m a little tarnished still. I always will be. Because, well, I’m an addictive/compulsive/impulsive girl. But I’m one that is dearly loved by her Roger Darling, her Meggie, and her Adam Boy. And by many, many, many others.

First and foremost I need to find the love I have for myself. I’m a good person. I have a good heart. I love with all of it. Though not too wisely sometimes. I am smart. I am funny and sarcastic as fuck. I say fuck a lot! I’m a bombshell and dammit, I’m a fucking rock star! Yes, I’m in therapy. And that man is a fucking rock star too. He keeps me in check and makes me realize I AM NOT CRAZY! I am not bi-polar, and I’m not narcissistic. The highs, lows and and intense emotions I feel are what make me, me. This is me!

Here’s a bit of random trivia for you. Robert Downey, Jr. was born April 4, 1965. I was born April 3, 1968. We’re both Aries (stubborn/bullheaded/fiery/passionate/sensual/adventurous/fun). We are both addicts. Why am I not surprised I am born under the same sign and only a day apart. I’ve always loved the man, but now I get it even more. Hey, I watched Biography recently because, well the man flips my damn trigger. I’d let him watch t.v. while he did me for the love of God! Okay, enough about him. DAMN is the man HAWT! Seriously, enough.

I’ve been sober for a week. I’ve been getting better by the day. The depression is waning and so is the anxiety. I went back to exercising. Which is such a good addiction to have. My joints hurt and my muscles are sore. But hey, it’s so much better than a hangover.

Not sure why but the song below resonates with me. He was newly sober, but had incredible support. I have incredible support. So on and on this sparkly but tarnished girl goes. BTW the book writing continues…… On and on I go….. With love in my heart, and love by my side.

Special thanks to Harry for sending me a message to tell me to keep writing. You’ll always be my BFF who gets me. Why in God’s name you are still my friend after 14 years I will never fully understand. But I love you Harry.

The Dance Started Without Music

Let your life dance on the edges of time like dew on the tip of the leaf.-Rabindranath Tagore
Roger Darling and I are already on the dance floor. There’s a break in the music, but we continue dancing. I can hear our feet on the hardwood floor. Shuffle, shuffle and slide, slide. Back and forth. Then side to side. He guides me around the floor with his hand in the small of my back. My left arm drapes his shoulder. He holds my right hand in his left. There is no distance between us. The song begins and we continue to dance. He wraps both of his arms around me. I place mine gently around his shoulders and lock my fingers behind his neck. Other couples look at us. They can tell this isn’t our first slow dance. It won’t be our last. It’s been 24 years of slow dancing with him,  if you count the year of dating and our engagement.
It’s late in the evening, she’s wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make up and brushes her long blond hair
And then she asks me, Do I look alright?”
And I say,Yes, you look wonderful tonight
I know exactly where his feet are going  as he guides me around the floor. He sings in my ear. I close my eyes, and lay my head on his shoulder. I listen. I want to sing along, but keep my mouth shut for once. With my eyes closed, I still know where his feet will go. Where his feet go, mine easily follow. They always have. Whether it was on a dance floor or in life. He always made it so easy for me to follow his lead. 24 years later he still does.  Or does he follow my lead in life, while I follow his on the dance floor? I always say, I keep him young and he keeps me grounded.
We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that’s walking around with me
And then she asks me, Do you feel alright?
And I say, Yes, I feel wonderful tonight
Shuffle, shuffle and slide, slide. Back and forth. Then side to side. We keep dancing. Keeping rhythm to a sweet classic song by Eric Clapton. It’s Sweetest Day. A Hallmark holiday. Roger Darling made it real for us though. The memory comes to me as we sway. 24 years ago he locked me in his car just before a Fireman’s Ball. He turns to look at me and says, “I’m not going to ask you to marry me on Christmas Eve.”  I stare back at him, convinced he’s breaking up with me. I’ve been down this road a time or two. I knew that it would end, because all good things did for me back then.  I’m shocked as he opens his coat and extracts a velvet box from the inside pocket. He hands it to me. Tears spill from my eyes. I open it to find the most gorgeous ring I have ever seen. My engagement ring. A solitaire encircled by twenty diamonds. Along with a wedding band encrusted with ten more diamonds. I’m speechless.
I feel wonderful, because I see
The love light in your eyes and the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you
Shuffle, shuffle and slide, slide. Back and forth. Then side to side. My head is still resting on his shoulder. He’s still singing in my ear. We keep dancing. And my mind wanders back again to 24 years ago. He says, “Honey, will you?” And I say, “yes.” I hand the box back to him and say, “you need to place the ring on my finger.” He removes it from the box and slides it on. It fits perfectly. I stare at it, in wide wonder. The diamonds look dazzling, even in the reflection of the overhead light in the car. We walk inside the dance hall where we meet Roger’s family and friends. I hide my hand from everyone for the first hour. We share the news with his parents first. Happiness and well wishes spread like wildfire and we dance the night away in celebration.
The song is almost over. I look up at Rog and tell him, “the night you asked me to marry you, I thought you were breaking up with me.” He smiles and says, “I know, but I didn’t.” I tell him, “no you sure didn’t.” We keep dancing. Familiar steps, made all the more familiar with all of the slow dances we’ve had over time. The song ends. He looks at me with all the love he had for me the day he asked me to marry him. He smiles and kisses me gently on the lips. We take each other’s hand and walk back to our seats.
It’s time to go home now and I’ve got an aching head
So I give her the car keys, she helps me to bed
And then I tell her as I turn out the light
I say, My darling, you were wonderful tonight
Oh, my darling, you were wonderful tonight

I’m feeling like Billie Joe Armstrong Today

FFFFUUUUCCCCCCKKKK!

I’m having me a damn day. First off I’m an office manager. I gave both of my staff members the day off. Stupid thing to do on a Monday. But you know I’m a nice person dammit and sometimes I have to give them both the day off. One’s daughter got married last weekend, and the second she’s going back to college and she had to go see her adviser. These are super important life changes and by God I knew I could handle one day in the office by myself. Or so I thought.

First the damn stapler in the biggest and most used photocopier/scanner/printer jams and I had no fucking clue how to change it. I had to lay on the damn floor and yank as hard as I could to get the damn thing out of the machine. I had my colleague on my cell phone, talking me through the process. I sat there with hemostats and then ripped the broken staples out of the machine. Once that task was done, the photocopier/scanner/printer on the third floor jammed. After I fixed that one. The other one on the second floor ran out of staples so off I ran to fix that. Then a professor had last minute copies to be made, and I had to do that. For the love of God I was running around like a crazy woman. I kept smiling though, dammit! Actually I think I was maniacally laughing.

Then the calls from the family started coming in. The texts too. All about money, cell phones, cars, wedding plans, cruise questions, and money. And, and, and, and. I finally texted Roger Darling and said if you all don’t stop bitching about money I’m going to fucking run away!!!! He told me he should have worn more condoms! We were losing our ever loving minds. Because though we’ve only given birth to two children, we now have four. Because they have partners. Whom we dearly, dearly, dearly love. But they drive us just as crazy as the children we birthed.

I didn’t hear from anyone for awhile which was good because I still had my own work to do after I fixed every damn thing else that broke. I actually got a lot done. Thank God!!

True to form my Roger Darling texts and says babe I’ve got a solution, call me. So I do. I’m to meet two of our kids at the ATT store to get a new cell phone and he’ll meet the other two at Spirit Ford to check out  a used car. Leave it to my Roger to get it worked out. What would I do without him?

So now the day has finally calmed down, and we had dinner together. I think I’m going to go sit with Rogie on the couch and make out with him. He deserves at least a good tongue kiss for all the problem-solving he’s done today.

Here’s to a valium, good sleep and a good French kissing. G’night my sweet friends.

BTW I was in the pit at a Green Day concert a few years ago. One of the best fucking nights of my life!!!!!

The Smell of Freshly Turned Earth

“There’s naught as nice as th’ smell o’ good clean earth, except th’ smell o’ fresh growin’ things when th’ rain falls on ’em.”
― Frances Hodgson BurnettThe Secret Garden

There’s nothing like the feeling of a shovel in my hands and  the turning of fresh earth. The dust  plumes into the air and my toes become covered with it. It’s all over my legs too. I place the shovel on the ground and kneel where I’d just been digging. I place my hands in the earth and let it sift through my fingers. I breathe in the scent of it. It’s dry and dirty, but somehow it cleanses me. I grab my trimmers and cut roots from the ground, then throw them both aside.

I take the field stones that I’ve pulled from the ground and place them in a rock garden around the concrete bird bath. It was my mother-in-law’s. I look at it and it makes me wish for the days of planting flowers with her. We did that the first Spring after my father-in-law died a cruel death from Pancreatic Cancer. My mind drifts back to the present and to the task at hand. The rebuilding of a dilapidated fence to keep the three Wonder Schnauzers from wandering the streets. Plus the transplanting of Lilac bushes, Hostas, and an out of control Forsythia bush.

My body is sore from a recent car accident, a compressed vertebra and pinched nerve. But I need to be outside. The air is crisp on this Sunday morning. With our bodies in constant motion and the movement of the sun, the temperature increases and I slowly but surely begin shedding my layers of clothing. I start out in sweatshirt, t-shirt and yoga pants. I end up in yoga pants and a tank shirt, since I need to feel the warm sun on my already pale skin.

I do a ton of raking while Roger Darling pulls the posts from the old fence. We re-measure and mark them for cutting and I stand on the boards to hold them in place while he uses the circular saw. He cuts off the rotted end of the post. I smell fresh sawdust because the blade has heated the freshly cut piece of wood. I swear it is one of those smells that takes me back to my childhood. Reminds me of my mother. Of all that she taught me to do.  I take my flip flops off and stick my feet in the sawdust. I make sure to pick up and throw away all the old nails that we removed from the posts that we re-purposed.

As a kid I hauled lumber, measured and cut wood, built decks, and painted. Whatever needed to be done, I had to learn to do.  I was raised in a houseful of women. We did everything ourselves. It must be why I still like working hard and getting my hands dirty. Honey I don’t get my nails did, because what would be the point? They’d get ruined the moment I found some project to work on. Or stuck them in dishwater or scrubbed a sink. Hell who knows what else I’d get into?

Roger Darling keeps asking if I’m okay. If I’m hurting. I assure him that I’d taken a couple of Vicodin and a Valium and I’m doing just fine. The only thing that pisses me off is that I can’t swing a hammer. I sure do love to drive nails into fresh wood. To hear the sound of it. To feel the force of the hammer bite into the wood and then drive it home. I’m no pussy. I can drive it home in about five strikes. I don’t tap it, for the love of God. I drive it!

The hardest part for us is dealing with the neighbor’s compost pile that’d been sitting up against our old fence for about five years. I pull branches, sticks, leaves, and grab the shovel and dig. Roger Darling is helping too. We’re tired and getting to the point where we don’t give a shit what the last section of fence looks like when placed. Our hands hurt, and the nerve in my back is starting to spasm, all the way down my damn arm.  The work must be finished though. I grab the shovel and dig. We place the fence section, and it’s still too high. We’re tired and bitchy but we keep at it.

Finally it is placed just right. We need to add a 2×4 so that the section stays in place. I’m still pissed that I can’t drive a nail into the wood. Roger Darling drives the final nail and the fence is finally set. It looks damn good. Roger and I look at each other and we are so happy with the outcome. The Wonder Schnauzers are happy too. They are finally freed from their leashes and allowed to roam their backyard. We move and replant our various flowers and plants. Our work is finally done. We are spent, but feel accomplished.

I love to work with my hands. To get them dirty. Make them a little calloused and rough. Not to worry though, I scrub my nails and file them back to perfection when the work is done. Roger Darling and I even went out to dinner that night and shared dessert. We figured we’d work hard and played in the dirt, we deserved a treat.

I’m reminded of a conversation I shared with my father-in-law.

He said, “You work hard like a man.”

I looked at him and replied, “No honey, I work hard like a woman. I was taught to work hard by other women.”

My new dad grinned, told me he loved me and gave me a sweet hug. I sure do miss that man. He’d have been proud of all the work that Rog and I did.

The Inspiring Blog Award, THANK YOU David!

I’m keeping David’s picture in this post because it is so damn beautiful. I love city life, I really do. The noise, the chaos, the cars and the people out at all hours of the night. The night life is the best in a city. There is ALWAYS something to do. Then you see the first light of day coming up through the high rises. The chaos slows. Then you feel the warmth and promise of a new day. And of course you get your first coffee at Starbucks and all is right with the world. Thank you David Kanigan for the nomination. I know I’m silly, but I tell you every time I get a nomination it makes me giddy. Makes me feel like my words matter, to at least one person. That’s an incredible feeling. It is.

Oh and I LOVED what David said about my blog when he was accepting his nomination, strap in for the ride. (Giggle, snort!)

Just the seven facts, ma’am:

1. I’m extremely impulsive. I’m working on controlling this issue, but you know, I’m impulsive!

2. I’m a HUGE quotes whore. HUGE. Here’s one of my favorites: (“You know, I’m not like a car that you can fix up. I’m never going to run right.” – Bella Swan, New Moon)

3. Love to read. Hate the Kindle. Would rather stand in an old book store all day long and find books to read. I have shelves full of books at home. They’re double stacked. The damn shelves bow they’re so weighed down.

4. Love to swim but fear deep water. The only time I’ve never been afraid was in the Caribbean Sea. I even snorkeled.  Since I could see to the bottom, I had no fear.

5. Want to write a book. Have a chapter finished and the ending. I read the ending a couple of weeks ago and cried. Told Roger Darling it was time to get cracking on it again.

6. My daughter Meggie is getting married to her fiance Chris in 75 days. On a beach in Key West. It’s what she’s always wanted. I want to jump in the ocean after the ceremony but don’t want to ruin my dress for the dinner party that night.

7. I’m really a 24 year old Goth girl. Not a 44 year old Cougar. Shhhhhhh. Don’t tell anyone.

And one more thing. I believe in speaking my mind and telling the truth. Some people don’t like that about me. Some people love it. I hope you love it and stay awhile. There are more rants and short stories to come I’m sure. I’ve been a bit preoccupied with injuries to my body, mind, heart and spirit. I’m resilient though, and the stories will come again. Please do check out the blogs I’ve nominated. They fucking rock! You all know I HAD to say fuck at least once!!!! Oops I said it twice. 🙂

  • http://wax-wane.com/ (I love the photography, the stories that coincide with them and the photos of a young Paul Newman. Sigh.)
  • http://storiesbywilliams.com/ (I don’t know why, but I love sci-fi and all that good junk. Matt writes so well on the genre. )
  • http://help-me-rhonda.com/ (I know she’s been nominated before, but I just love her to pieces)
  • http://thoughtsfromtheoutdoors.wordpress.com/ (David’s work is exemplary. Photography is beautiful and his words make me all twitterpated.)
  • http://aslongasimsinging.wordpress.com/ (What can I say about t? Except he is me, but a boy I think. Hmmmm, I’m not sure. I sure do love his words though) (Oh yeah, and I’m a total music whore and he posts the best damn music that this former 80’s wild child loves!)
  • http://paulaacton.wordpress.com/ (Love this woman!)
  • http://catforsley.me/ (I can’t say enough about this sweet woman. Her words are beautiful. She makes me feel like a star. She’s my Punkin and I’m her MM)
  • http://youjivinmeturkey.com/ (Bradley inspires me every day when he writes. Whether it’s a post of a famous quote or the telling of a sleepless night, his words move me.)
  • http://michellesomer.wordpress.com/ (Michelle moves me with her words, but also with her want to live life. She is dealing with chronic illness, and gets her ass out of bed every day. She finds ways to enjoy life and find comfort. I so admire her for that.)

If you choose to accept the award (absolutely no obligation – just consider this as a thank you for your inspiring posts), the rules are: (1) Link back to the person who nominated you, (2) Post the award image to your page.  (3) Tell seven facts about yourself (4) Nominate 5-10 other blogs, (5) Let them know they are nominated. Congratulations!

Have a great Hump Day… I do plan on doing just that when I get home!!!

Another Blog Award? Why Thank You!

Sisterhood of the World Blogger’s Award

Post image for Sisterhood of the World Blogger’s Award

I’ve been lucky enough to have been nominated for the “Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award” by regular reader and fellow blogger Maddie Cochere. I am so honored to have received this nomination from Maddie; thanks so much for including me in your list!

Now let me tell you more about the award:

Rules of the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

  • All recipients need to thank the giver
  • Post 7 things about yourself
  • Pass the award on to 7 other bloggers of their choice and let them know that they have been nominated.
  • Include the logo of the award in a post or on your blog

7 totally random things about me

1. I really want to write erotica and I’m good at it but I don’t want to do it here just in case my mother ends up liking the fact that I write and reads one of my stories. She’d be mortified. Wait, maybe I would do it just so I could mortify her. I like to keep her on her toes with my crazy antics.

2. I drink way too fucking much coffee. I have ADHD so coffee doesn’t bode well with it. I kinda bounce off the walls even more than usual. It’s kinda fun for me but it annoys the hell out of other people.

3. I’m a restless spirit. Not sure why but I never seemed settled. It’s okay though, the ones that love me totally get it and love me anyway.

4. I’m an extremely nice person. I believe in having a good heart, loving and connecting with everyone I come in contact with. But don’t you fucking dare take advantage of me. I may seem like a sweetheart but don’t fuck with me. I will get in your face and tell you off.  Then our connection will be broken. My heart will be too. So don’t hurt me.

5. My husband is a good man and puts up with my craziness. Why in the hell he does, I have no idea. 23 years and he’s still here.

6. I had lasik surgery about six years ago. It was the best money I ever spent. I have to wear readers now. Roger Darling calls them my porn star glasses. Says I look hawt in them. Giggle. Now I want a boob job! They don’t need to be bigger, just lifted.

7. I’ve lost 150 lbs in the last 20 months. It’s not easy to keep it off. But I’m trying really hard to keep it together and not eat like I used to when I weight 325 lbs. I never want go back there again. I’m 44 and darling I am fabulous. Finally!!!

But, enough about me. It’s time to introduce you to some of the most awesome ladies I know.

Awards of Sisterhood of the World’s Bloggers to 7 bloggers

Bucket List Productions

Girl on the Contrary

Wanderlust

Fervor and Forever

Jae Lei Nyght

Saints Sisters and Sluts

Writing the Girl

Well, there you go. Now it’s your turn. How about this: I’ve told you 7 new things about me. Why don’t you tell me one or two things about yourself that I don’t know? After all, fair’s fair. 8)

Matthew Felkey, My Other Son and Future Broadway Star

http://straighteyeforthetheatreguy.blogspot.com/

https://www.facebook.com/MattFelkeyPage

I have known this young and talented man since he was 12 years old. He and my Meggie were boyfriend and girlfriend for a short time. But even though their twitterpation didn’t last, their friendship did. So much so that he will be her Man of Honor at her wedding in December. He’ll sing at the wedding too. I know it will move me to tears. The rawness of his tenor voice does me in every time I hear him sing. You can feel the lyrics as they pour from his heart, lungs, and mouth. It just blows me away. Brings me to my knees.

I’ve heard him sing in my living room. I’ve heard him sing in almost every damn show that Tecumseh Youth Theater has ever put on during his middle and high school years. I’ve heard him sing in every damn choir that Tecumseh High School has. And I’ve even heard him sing original music in a smoky bar with his band. He’s stuck right now. He wants so badly to be in New York City. He wants to be a star. He has the potential to be just that. I believe it with every fiber of my being. This man, this beautiful young man. With the voice of an angel, will be a star. He can act, he can dance, he writes stories, he writes lyrics and music, he plays piano, and guitar. Hell, I think he can do anything.

In the comments section of his first blog entry I told him this:

I still remember sitting in the theater watching you sing this song. The tears came and streamed down my face. Roger Darling looked over at me and smiled. He knew that I wasn’t only crying because the song was so beautiful, and I love your voice, but it’s also because I’m so proud of you. I know your talent. Roger, Meg, Adam, and I are your family. Your family is our family and we love each other. Can’t imagine not having all of you in our lives. Honey get the hell out of here and go to NYC. You’re going to make it! Love you my dear other son.

The video  isn’t the best quality but you can hear the feeling in his voice. You can feel the pain in his heart as he sings of his love for Aida. This woman he can never be with. Because of war, slavery of a people and hate. She is a princess and he a prince but because of war there is no future for them. Radames and Aida are sentenced to death and placed in a tomb together. They are deprived of light and air, but not of  their love.  He vows to look for her over 100 lifetimes to find her. So that he can love her again. At the end of the musical, we are transported back to the present in a museum and a young man and woman viewing the artifacts of the ancient time of Aida and Radames. It turns out that they really did find each other after many lifetimes of searching. In a museum displaying ancient artifacts of an incredible love. A love that didn’t die even when the two lovers suffocated in a tomb.

What resonates with me most is not Matt’s singing during the show, which was heart wrenching and exemplary. But it was his dialogue when he and Aida were in the tomb preparing to die. His words tore my heart out. It was the way he said them that made them feel so incredibly real. He transformed into Radames. He was no longer Matt, but a prince vowing undying love to his princess.

I pray for him. I pray for him to find his way. I know he will. I know I will sit in the audience on the opening night of his first starring role. I know we will be there with his family and we will be in awe of him again. As will the rest of the audience. I know in my heart of hearts, he will win the hearts of millions. I feel it in my bones.

AIDA
It’s so dark.

RADAMES
Give me your hand. I’m right here with you. There is another world waiting 
for us, Aida. I can feel it. The way I always knew there was a world beyond 
every bend in the Nile. Just waiting to be discovered.

AIDA
You will find me in that world?

RADAMES
If I have to search for a hundred life times, I will find you again, Aida.

One Song Glory (RENT)

Happiness is Strong Pain Meds and Valium YAY!

Pain makes me a whiny baby bitch.

The last four or five weeks have not been good ones. I have been dealing with chronic pain that has been steadily getting worse. I’m no longer able to hold a pen or pencil and after about a half hour of typing, my left hand becomes immobile. The pain in my back has been excruciating. I was hoping that after quitting my job in the salon that I would heal on my own. That turned out not to be the case. I am now having muscle spasms that radiate from my shoulder blade to my finger tips. The spasms last anywhere from 15 seconds to at least one minute. The Motrin and muscle relaxer the general practitioner prescribed didn’t do much of anything. If I wanted any relief, I had to keep my arm completely immobile. That’s not easy for this busy woman to do.  It fucking sucks!

I’ve seen a chiropractor and he’s awesome, but I’m still suffering. I finally gave up and went to the ER today. Roger Darling had a mandatory meeting so I called my Meggie to come be with me. She shows up at the ER with what I think is the entire contents of her house. She’s got her book bag, her computer, her cell phone, and her purse. I think she plans on moving in. My sweet girl cheered me up, and made me laugh a lot. She spewed the F word about as much as I do. We talked about her fiance, the wedding, school, her goofy dogs, her all organic food kick. We talked about everything. Then I’d have a muscle spasm. We’d wait it out and then she’d bitch because we had to wait almost three hours to see a doctor.

Meg decided we needed lunch. She took off to Whole Food for organic pizza, salad and soup. In the meantime the doctor finally showed up. It was discovered that I have a severely pinched nerve in my C7 vertebrae. They prescribed heavy duty pain meds and another muscle relaxer. After Meggie got back, Dr. A came into my room to introduce himself. We set up an appointment on Friday afternoon for an MRI and to discuss the next course of treatment. After he left the room Megan start singing the Ali Abua Abua song from Disney’s, Aladdin because that’s exactly what the specialist looked like. She told me I had to sing the song to him when I  see him on Friday. I called her a giant music geek. She just cackled. My God her laugh is just like mine!

After I was discharged we walked out together. I thanked her for staying with me and she said she was happy to. Said I’d been there for her all those times when she was sick, so she had to take care of me. My heart swelled and I got a little misty eyed. I told her she was a good daughter and that I loved her. She gave me a hug and a kiss and said she’d see me soon. We went our separate ways. She back to Livonia, me back to Tecumseh. As I was driving home I heard my favorite song by U2. It brightened me right up. I cranked it and sang along with the lyrics, It’s a Beautiful Day, don’t let it get away….. I may be in pain but the day really is quite beautiful indeed. Especially now that the pain meds have kicked in. Hope you all are having a beautiful day yourselves. I need a nap.

Bittersweet Day in Pines

Cherry pie from Lee and Carol for mulching their gardens. Game nights at the Perez’s. Campfires on our patio unitl 3 AM. Wine, beer, and booze flowed along with our running mouths that never tired. We talked politics, religion, food, children, love, family and the meaning of life. We’ve even done some dancing on that patio.

The kids drove around on golf carts until curfew. Then there’d be tons of them playing cards and video games all over the house. Meg’s first love lived there. They would see each other every weekend. They were even caught making out on the beach. Imagine my surprise when the ranger came to tell me all about it!

Meggie and Adam Boy lived and worked a few summers there.  They were lifeguards, recreation staff, and the keepers of little children. They even created a competitive swim program.

I loved the beach, the pool and the hot sun. I read tons of books, wrote and slept. I’ll miss that part of it I’m sure.  I find peace on a beach, with the sand in my toes and sunscreen on my skin.

Roger and his crew rewired the the Florida room. I wouldn’t let them have a cocktail till the work was done. After the work was finished they proceeded to get hammered. Roger passed out in living room and Adam and I ate his pizza.

Roger Darling went airborne when he tripped on a loose patio block. I nearly lost my ever loving mind I was laughing so hard. He didn’t find it that hilarious as he was laying in the flower garden.

I showed my boobs to one of our best male friends. I thought Rog was going to faint he was laughing so hard. I tell ya, he’s never surprised by the crazy shit I do.

I threw my back out and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. My wonderful neighbor Max came over and held my hand. Everyone around me was freaking out and yelling. But Max, he knew exactly what to do to calm me.

We’ve changed houses, built decks, landscaped and beautified our little piece of the Pines. Our little piece of heaven. It’s D, G and M’s place now. I hope they make as many wonderful memories there as we did.