Bittersweet Day in Pines

Cherry pie from Lee and Carol for mulching their gardens. Game nights at the Perez’s. Campfires on our patio unitl 3 AM. Wine, beer, and booze flowed along with our running mouths that never tired. We talked politics, religion, food, children, love, family and the meaning of life. We’ve even done some dancing on that patio.

The kids drove around on golf carts until curfew. Then there’d be tons of them playing cards and video games all over the house. Meg’s first love lived there. They would see each other every weekend. They were even caught making out on the beach. Imagine my surprise when the ranger came to tell me all about it!

Meggie and Adam Boy lived and worked a few summers there.  They were lifeguards, recreation staff, and the keepers of little children. They even created a competitive swim program.

I loved the beach, the pool and the hot sun. I read tons of books, wrote and slept. I’ll miss that part of it I’m sure.  I find peace on a beach, with the sand in my toes and sunscreen on my skin.

Roger and his crew rewired the the Florida room. I wouldn’t let them have a cocktail till the work was done. After the work was finished they proceeded to get hammered. Roger passed out in living room and Adam and I ate his pizza.

Roger Darling went airborne when he tripped on a loose patio block. I nearly lost my ever loving mind I was laughing so hard. He didn’t find it that hilarious as he was laying in the flower garden.

I showed my boobs to one of our best male friends. I thought Rog was going to faint he was laughing so hard. I tell ya, he’s never surprised by the crazy shit I do.

I threw my back out and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. My wonderful neighbor Max came over and held my hand. Everyone around me was freaking out and yelling. But Max, he knew exactly what to do to calm me.

We’ve changed houses, built decks, landscaped and beautified our little piece of the Pines. Our little piece of heaven. It’s D, G and M’s place now. I hope they make as many wonderful memories there as we did.

The Fourth Day of Vacay and More Word Doodles to Share

Yesterday was great fun. We traveled all over the countryside. I got to see a beautiful cemetery in Sheperdstown. And the bloodiest battle field in the Civil War called Bloody Lane. The cemetery at the site is beautiful and sad. At the battle site it is said that it was so bloody that the blood of the wounded and dead was inches deep.  There were thousands of bodies strewn everywhere. It was strange to stand on the site where so many men lost their lives. Where we stood there were bodies of young men underneath us. I was awestruck. I don’t understand war for one thing, but to be standing there in the quiet of the cemetery, you could just hear and feel the souls of those that died. They were tortured.

I met Tracy’s doodah doggies. I got mauled and love on by them. It was a good, good day. Now to share the rest of my silly word doodles that I wrote down on my drive to God’s country.

The song Landslide comes on. I will sing this song soon. With the kids singing harmonies.

My ears pop in the peaks and valleys.

Clouds still forming with thunderheads. Want a storm so badly.

Asshole in Beemer tailgates me. P!nk Stupid Girls on radio, (Pretty, will you fuck me girl, Turn around I’ll suck it girl) Flip off Beemer dude as he passes me.

Ipod unplugged.

Radio is set to Froggy 95 and Life is a Highway plays.

I’m heading through the Alleghany Mountain Tunnel with the biggest grin on my face. Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long.

She’s so Mean by Matchbox 20 comes on. It makes me giggle. Roger says it was written for me. I told him maybe, but you don’t need to hit me to make me cum. Har!

I make it to I70. Cross the Mason Dixon Line. Cross the Potomac and then I’m in West Virginia.

Berkeley Springs is like Charlevoix or Petosky in Up North Michigan. It’s beautiful.

And then I’m there. At our beautiful cabin, er house in the woods. I see Tracy and Curt. Tracy runs to me. I run to her. We don’t cry. We just gaze at one another in wonder. I haven’t seen her in 28 years, and she is just as beautiful. If not more. We hug, we laugh, we smile like idiots. All the while Curt stands on the balcony and takes pictures of us. What a beautiful journey this turned out to be.

The Song Stuck in my Head This Morning

There’s no mercy in a live wire
No rest at all in freedom
Choices we are givin
It’s no choice at all
The proof is in the fire
You touch before it moves away – yeah
But you must always know
How long to stay and when to go

Must be I’m channeling Bradley Allen  because I’ve got a song stuck in my head this morning. I woke up with the lyrics playing in my silly blonde brain. It’s a sad one about letting go. Don’t read into it too much. It’s just a good song. It makes this tender heart hurt whenever I hear it. Natalie Maines sure can cry a good lyric. It’s such an easy song to sing, but the words cut to the bone.

Watch the video, think of lost love, or love that hurts and then let it fly away. Where it can’t hurt you anymore. Look at your life too and realize how truly wonderful it is. How you get to wake up in the morning in a warm bed, go to a job that may suck but at least you’re working. See the person laying next to you and know they’re the one. That you have never, ever been loved more thoroughly and you never will be loved so well again. Smile at the thought of your children flourishing. Sigh and know that the Lord has truly blessed your life.

If you’re not with the right one, then change it somehow. I talked two friends into setting up profiles on dating websites, because you know I’m so well versed in 21st century dating techniques. I think they’ve both found the right ones, finally. I’ve the feeling I’ll be going to a wedding for one of them next summer. She has found the “one”. He speaks the right love language. Gives her words. What she craves. But he also gives her love, unconditionally. Something she has been needing for so long.

Enjoy this beautiful day. Revel in it. It’s raining here in West Virginia, but as you know rain is one of my favorites. Maybe I’ll go out and play in a puddle..

I’m going to let him fly…..Yeah.

It’s the Second Day of Vacation, So it Must be Time for my Period!

Periods are super fun. Especially on vacation! Ah well, it could be worse. Tracy and I haven’t stopped talking. Her lovely husband showed up today. They’re out taking pictures and I took a nap. Now I’m living on the edge, eating rice cakes and drinking Diet Coke. We had plans today to beach it but we haven’t moved around much. Just relaxing and still talking. I’ve written a few things.  Tracy took a picture of me writing at the kitchen table. It made me a little misty eyed. I’m sure it won’t be the only time that happens this week. Can’t wait to see what her photos inspire me to write this week. Below are some of my word doodles that I scribbled down as I was making the eight hour trek to God’s country.

By Beaver Valley and Mile 12. The word Beaver tickles me silly.

Ch, ch, ch, ch changes, you can’t trace time.

First sweet and sour Charms Pop sucker. My tongue is blue now. It looks like I gave Papa Smurf a BJ.

I hear Bridges Burning by the Foo Fighters. Dave Grohl makes me wanna scream! The bass is so heavy it makes my rear view mirror vibrate.

Why is it when I see someone driving a Beemer I want to roll my window down and scream, Hey! You’re a fucking asshole?

P!nk sings, Don’t Let me Get Me. I’m my own worst enemy.

Then Tiny Dancer. Reminds me of Cameron Crowe and Almost Famous. And Adam Boy. The first time I heard him sing this song with his tenor voice, I cried. Of course I did. The boy makes my heart melt.

I think more about my children. WOW! Even in their 20’s they still find ways to amaze me.

OMFG I need gas!

Ah my Max Bemis starts singing Metal Now. He’s Metal Now, but he always was. He is my imaginary lover. All fucked up and bi-polar and shit. He’s a fucking genius!

Ears pop in peaks and valleys.

Clouds form with thunderheads and makes my Spidey Senses tingle.

Then it’s The Outsiders by NeedtoBreathe On the outside
You’re free to roam
On the outside
We found a home
On the outside
There’s more to see
On the outside
We choose to be.

Thoughts at a Toll Booth on I-76

I’m at the end of my route on I-76. Finally. I’m waiting to pay another fucking toll. Shit, this is expensive. I look into my rear view mirror and I see a big SUV behind me. I see a couple. The woman is driving, and the husband sits  in the passenger seat. She is bitching up a storm at him. She looks like an aging Jersey Girl. He looks like a Guido. He starts bitching back. I see there are kids in the back seat of the Audi SUV. I think to myself, STFU with the screaming and posturing in front of your kids. WTF???

The wife keeps screaming and waving her arms everywhere. The husband looks like he wants to cut and run, the fuck away from her. Preferably down the exit ramp we just passed. I wonder if she knows how miserable she makes him. I seriously don’t think she would care though. She probably feels like he stole her youth. Her life. Her passion. He looks out the passenger side window. She stops bitching, leans her elbow on the driver side door and leans her head into her hand. Husband has the toll ticket in his hand and hands it off to her. She takes it, not even looking at him.

They drive an expensive vehicle. Her hands are adorned with fancy rings, but material possessions won’t keep you warm at night. Unless of course it’s a blanket. And even then it doesn’t whisper they love you in the night. It doesn’t cuddle in close and make you feel safe. It is only an expensive blanket. Such is the life of those with material possessions and no love.

It’s all a guess of course. Every picture tells a story. Even a mental picture seen through my eyes and my rear view mirror, at a toll booth on I-76.

Almost Heaven, West Virginia….

This Sparkly Girl slept the sleep of the dead and woke up in West Virginia. It’s as close to Heaven as you can get without being dead. I wrote down my thoughts in little snippets while I was on the road. Thoughts like all Beemer drivers are assholes! I’ve never had so many run ins with them as I have today. WTF is up with that? I don’t know how many there were on the road today but I think they either drove up my ass, swerved in front of me, or drove like a bat out of hell past me. Yeesh.

I thought about Tracy of course. I thought about how much she has inspired me with the pictures that she and her lovely husband have taken. She inspired my story of West Virginia in the Summer Time, The Conversation in the Rain, Sunrise, Coffee and Sanctuary, The Ghost of a Great Love (MY FAVORITE, BTW!!), and Then She Prays. The simple click of her shutter has made my heart sing and bring forth words from my head that I had no idea were in me. She is a published writer, and she knows the rush that I feel. She knows of the elation I feel when I get an idea in my head and want to write about it. I tried not to talk too much about it but I’m in the throes of ecstasy with writing right now.

I wrote every day this week. Longhand of course. My notebook is full of notes and little snippets. We’ll see what stories I come up with in all the little word doodles I made. I’ll give you a little sample of my thoughts on the drive today. It’s mostly music, shitty drivers, and what I spied with my little eye while driving. I’ll only give you a little taste tonight as I’m pretty damn tired.

I’m so glad to be back. Wink, wink.

First Day

Turnpike

Starbucks Dark Roast, five pumps caramel and room for cream and sweet and low, because I didn’t get much sleep. Excited.

Sia on the radio, I am Titanium. Thoughts of youth and Tracy. I wanted to be her when I was young. Beautiful, magnetic personality. and she didn’t take any shit. She was her own woman. Even as a teenager she was.

Munching on cantalope and making silly wishes.

…I’m bullet-proof, fire away, fire away. I am Titanium…

Now P!nk is telling me I’m fucking perfect.

If only I was.

The stick families on rear windshields annoy the shit out of me. Maybe because my kids are all grown up and I can’t have one.

I see scads of rock face on either side of the highway as I travel through hills that will soon become mountains.

See the Cleveland River.

The clouds are like fluffy down comforters. I want to pull them from the sky, wrap myself in them and sleep.

I hear Ramble On by Led Zeppelin. And in the darkest depths or Mordor, I met a girl so fair. That’s where I’m headed to see my fair haired friend. My split apart. It’s been 28 damn years!

I missed the chance to take a picture of the Pennsylvania sign. SHIT!

Asshole in an Audi passes everyone in the far right lane. Why is there never a cop when you need one?

Butterfly Boucher and David Bowie start singing about Changes. Ch, ch, ch, ch, changes. Turn and face the strange changes.

(Cont’d tomorrow, this girl is spent, night.)

I Think I’m Finally Spent

God Dammit, I’m exhausted-Lili von Shtupp

So after running around like a chicken with my head cut off for the last 18 months, I’m spent. Because of all of the changes in my life and the sedentary lifestyle I lived for 13 years, I’ve been running on overdrive and adrenaline. Don’t get me wrong it’s been fun for the most part, but I’ve become distracted, disoriented, and disorganized. This Sparkly Girl needs to disconnect and re-group. I’ve found something I’m good at and I’m extremely passionate about it. I’ve found writing. I never in a million years thought I was good at it. This all started from funny Facebook status updates. Serious status updates, lyrics and quotes. Inspirational shit too. Somewhere along the way, I got over-extended and tried to do too much. I’ve lost sight of family, friends and well, the rest of my life.

I need to slow down. But I want to write every damn day. 24/7 preferably. I don’t care if I get paid for it. I get new followers every day, so I must be doing something right. I’ve been told by friends and acquaintances that I’ve given them a voice. That I crawled into their heads and brought out their innermost thoughts. By putting myself out there, I’ve helped them sort out their shit. Unfortunately, I haven’t taken care of my own life. I’m going to take a few days off. I’m not going to post until next Monday, when I’m in West Virginia with my sister from another mister. Hopefully I won’t be chased by a huge ass snake while I’m there. I’m sure Tracy will be glad to take pictures of me running around, peeing on myself, and screaming like a girl. I know she and I will make great memories that I’ll want to share. I’m going to post some of her beautiful photography. She is a goddess behind the lense.

No worries, I will keep writing. On paper for now. As I’ve told K., it’s called longhand. Why I call it that, I’m not sure. Think it’s what my great-grandma called it back when I was a kid. I’ve got a book noodling around in this lovely blonde brain of mine. Some parts of it have already spilled out onto my blog. We’ll see what happens. Keep following me. Keep sending me pictures for stories. I think that’s my favorite. A lot of my readers send me their pics. They tell me a bit of their story and I create a story from it. I embellish of course. Add my own characters, my dreams, my wishes, my past. But it’s fun to go back to the person who sent it to me, and they tell me how close to the truth I get. I’ve even done it for one of my followers. I think that was the MOST fun!

So long for a few days. This demented Tinker Bell and blonde bombshell is going to sleep the sleep of the dead. When I get back, WATCH THE FUCK OUT! Giggle. Oh wait, Roger Darling is telling me to go clean the cat litter. AWESOME!

I Still Love You, New York

I remember the day the world stop turning. I remember where I was, and how I felt. The helplessness. I remember watching it unfold on television. I realized right then that our lives would never be the same. The security I felt, was gone. The arrogance of knowing what a great country I lived in, was gone. The innocence of my children, was gone. What it was replaced with was fear. What would happen next? When? Where? Why? How?

We had news feeds going on all of the televisions in the SSW. Classes were eventually canceled for the rest of the day. Staff were told to go home. We weren’t getting anything done anyway. We were too devastated. So many of my colleagues and friends were trying to get through to loved ones that were in NYC, and DC. Everything was jammed up. No calls in or out. When I got home I turned on the news. We had satellite television so our local stations came out of NYC. I live in Michigan. Go figure. I was riveted. I watched every bit of coverage that I could. I sat and cried. I listened to the screams and the cries as the towers came down. I saw the horror on the onlookers faces. The dust, the debris, the screaming, the running, the blood, all of it. I thought of the human wreckage. I thought of what to tell my children when they came home from school. The questions that they would have. Like why would people we don’t know want to hurt people that they don’t know? How do you answer that? How do you tell a 9 and 10 year old that there is evil in this world that can’t be explained? How? I thought of the intense hatred I felt for whoever did this to us.

A few years later I stood at Ground Zero. It was Fall. The air was cool. The sky partly cloudy. The patches of blue in the sky were lit by a beautiful Fall sun. I looked into the tomb. The group of teenagers I was with, were being respectful. Which was unusual. Hell, it was unusual for this sparkly, crazy momma to be respectful. But we all knew we were at a grave site. That it was our duty to be respectful. We looked at pictures, flowers and other artifacts that were placed on the various fences. We took pictures. K and I cried. It took us back to that day. It was strange being there. In such a loud and vibrant city, it was so peaceful. We went across the street to St. Paul’s Church and went inside. There were shrines, notes, flowers, posters, pictures. Everything you could think of. We didn’t speak. We just took it all in. We lit candles. I know, I know I’m no fan of organized religion. But I’m a Christian first and foremost, so I lit a damn candle. I said prayers for those taken from us, the survivors, the first responders. Everyone of us.

I think about the folks in the towers before they collapsed. I think about making the choice to jump or burning to death. I’m sure I would have jumped. I would have grabbed my Broseph’s R and K. My two favorite colleagues that I wouldn’t mind dying with. I would have wrapped my arms around them, kissed them both sweetly and passionately. Hell if you’re going to die, you might as well go out with a bang. I would have locked hands with them and jumped. We would have prayed to sprout wings on our descent. But known we would have earned them on impact.

In the days, months and years that followed people have asked me, did I know anyone that died. No I didn’t. I knew none of them, but I knew all of them. They were humans sharing my planet, my country. Therefore I mourn for them. They were people with families, with lives to live, bills to pay, babies to be born, and shit to do. So because they were all of those things and more I mourn for them. We all do. We always will. I still believe I live in the greatest country in the world. I do. I still believe that if you work hard you can make it here. That we have endless opportunities and we have endless possibilities. Planes crashing into buildings and killing thousands did not dampen our American spirit. I believe it only intensified it. It also brought other countries to our side. We did not realize how much we were loved until tragedy hit. But isn’t that the way it usually happens? You never know how strong you are until tragedy does hit? And hit us it did. Every single one of us, whether we knew someone personally that died or not. It changed us. All of us. Forever.

The Genuineness of Adam Boy and Clairee

Young love can still be real love.

I went to the beach at Sandy Pines with Adam and Claire yesterday. The sun was hot and bright. The sand burned our feet as we walked to find the perfect spot to sit. We laid out our towels, kicked off our flip flops and ran into the water. It cooled our burning feet and skin instantly. We laughed and joked. I called Adam a pussy for not running into the water and going under right away. He called me a crazy old lady and told me to shut the fuck up. Claire and I just laughed at him. She has an incredibly funny, sweet laugh. I think it starts all the way in her toes. I finally splashed Adam. Soaked him really. He thought Claire did it, so he splashed her. She went on the attack. I laughed like a crazy hyena. It was fun to watch them splash each other and try to dunk one another. I can tell by the way they tease each other how much they love.

There’s something so genuine about their interactions with one another. I love to watch them. Even when they’re angry at each other. I love the dynamics of their relationship. Well, what they let us see of their relationship. I’m glad that Rog and I always encouraged our children to have boyfriends and girlfriends. It’s important to learn to live and be with someone else. I tell them not to have power over another person. To possess someone. Possession is not love. It is sick and twisted. No one should try to possess another. That is NOT love. Watch out for the extreme power of the pussy or the dick. You must be powerful on your own first and foremost. Do not let anyone control you. And you are not to control anyone. That is not love. Love is a partnership, a trust, a need to make each other better by loving.

I’m happy to see Adam Boy and Clairee here at the Pines. They brought my new grand dog, Baxter. He’s a beautiful black lab pup. He’s so shiny; happy. He’s the color of midnight sky. And sweet. OMG is he sweet. They are such loving pet parents. It makes my heart melt to see them take care of their furry bundle of joy. I know that if it is in their future to have children, they will be good parents. We’ve already discussed the possibility of marriage with them. It’s not what they want. That’s okay with us. We just want them to be happy and in love. And they are. I sure hope that even with our recent struggles, that Roger Darling and I have been good teachers. I really do.

The Sweet Smell of Sunscreen

 

I smell sunscreen in the air. Orange creamsicle and coconut aromas waft near my nose. I’m at the adult pool in the Pines. Taking in the sights and sun. The sun, the sun is so vibrant. The clouds like cotton, but sparse enough for the sun to shine through and warm my skin. There’s no humidity and the temperature is about 80 degrees. It’s perfect, perfect, perfect.

I’m wearing a salmon colored pin up style swim suit. I feel like I’m channeling Marilyn Monroe. My golden blonde hair is loose, wild and wavy. It’s being blown about by a gentle breeze. I have SPF 15 on my Sally tat, because I don’t want her to fade. I’ll put SPF 8 all over the rest of me after a swim. Or maybe after I go down the water slide a few times. My Caribbean blue eyes are protected by sunglasses that look like Jackie O’s. Big and round, cute. They are the color of a strawberry Jolly Rancher. I wish they tasted like one. I’d eat them.

Of course I have a note pad and a pen. The color of the ink is purple. I have a copy of the book, The Stand. I read it every summer. I have my Ariel towel. Because, well, I’m a princess. Full water bottle of course. There’s not much to do today, but enjoy the beautimous day. Hey, I know it’s not a word. I make them up to suit me. I’m kinda quirky that way.

There’s about 20 people here. Laying out, reading, swimming, soaking up the sun. One woman is reading Fifty Shades of Gray. I find it funny, and I chuckle out loud. Don’t ask me why it tickles me, but it does. I then notice an old creeper dude staring at me. He’s wearing sunglasses so he thinks I can’t see him ogling me. He’s so damn obvious about it. I want to run over to him and scream in his face to stop fucking looking at me! Just fucking stop it! I take my strawberry colored sunglasses off and stare directly at him. He gets the message, and turns away. I’m not used to be stared at, and I don’t like it.

My skin is getting warm and a little pink. My summer freckles are coming out on my nose and forehead. I think it’s time for a quick dip in the pool. Wish you were here though, I could use some help with applying sunscreen to my back.

Oh, I did go down the water slide. Ten times. Because I really AM 12 years old.